


Adventure!

by HoolyDooly



Category: Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018), Venom (Movie 2018)
Genre: My three favorite characters need more light, Shennigens, also Brock because??? He's great? And his slimy boyfriend who is good., i love them, potential Hamnoir later because I'm all about edgy Nic cage/John Mulaney's loony tunes fursona
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-09-25 13:43:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 20,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17122454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HoolyDooly/pseuds/HoolyDooly
Summary: When Ham, Noir and Peni agreed to the adventure they all had their reasons. Petra Parker is just glad they agreed, she needs help taking down OsCorp after her old partner for the Bugle crashed in with damning evidence, that needs photographic evidence.Will Ham, Peni and Noir work together properly to take down the big bad? Or do they all want to just dick around and maybe yell about feelings?Crack open the page and take a gander!





	1. Beginning

Doctor Petra Parker lives in a world filled with villains and no heros. She’s a mild, rather boring scientist that does photographer for the paper on the side to fund her research into no mans land.   
  
Today was her breakthrough, she created a stable machine that she refers to has the looking glass. With it she’s found that other universe versions of herself, close to hers. Fairly similar other than a few differences. One where she accepted to work at Oscorp and she had money, which looked nice. But she knows they do unethical work. She sees herself apart of it in that universe.   
  
But the distant universes hold her attention, Spiderman and all the veriations. Usually male.   
  
Superheroes that stop villains. One universe caught her eye, one were multiple spider people got pulled into the same universe through for some unethical reasons. She practically sat herself there watching endevors. Cheering them on. Watch them beat out evil.   
  
She practically didn’t move for two whole days, just ordering copious amount of pizza.   
  
When their adventure was all done, she took note of all of their universes, memorizing them all and writing them down in her notebook.   
  
Weeks later, well she was going through her emails. She got one from her old friend. Eddie Brock who was coming to town with leads on a big story he wanted her help on.   
  
She didn’t expect him to come crashing into her living room through her open fire escape window covered in black goo.   
  
“Don’t scream Pete, we can explain.” The goo around him had disappeared and there stood her friend.   
  
“Fuck, Brock you look like shit.” Petra stands up from where she had fallen. Eddie lets off a self depriving laugh.   
  
“I uh, have a parasite. It’s fine though.” He grabs the closest pizza box that she hadn’t cleaned up and opened it up to find it empty but the stale crusts, which Eddie gladly starts shoving down his gallut.   
  
“Does this have to do with the whole alien thing that you reported on back in San Fran?” Petra scrunches up her face and goes to her kitchen to pull out a less old pizza to toss to her friend who says ‘thank you’ with a mouth full of old crusty bread as he drags it over to him.   
  
She leans and watch with a sigh. “Man, the split has reverted you back to when you were in college.”   
  
He laughs, taking a moment to say vaguely. “Oh, you should’ve seen what I did. I ate a raw lobster in a fish tank at a four star restaurant in sweats.”   
  
“I’m not surprised, who dared you to pull another Golden Buffet stunt?” Petra grins as Eddie nearly chokes.   
  
“No, do not look for that memory darling.” Eddie mutters to himself that drives Petra’s curiosity.   
  
“Talking to the parasite?”   
  
“Okay, I can really be the only one that calls him that. He gets mad. He’s called Venom.” Eddie says finally finishing the pizza, but he still looks hankering for something.   
  
“Noted. Want me to order pizza?” Petra pulls out her cellphone prepared to call up her usual greek place.   
  
“Yes… But order dominos.” Eddie says tiredly as he finds the small coach to slump on. Petra had a small two bedroom that was not cheap to keep. The two bedrooms were used for her research and for her photography studio. So the Fold out coach was her only sitting area in the main living area, with it’s crappy kitchen.   
  
“Jesus Eddie, you’ve been out of New York for too long.” Petra plans to go ahead and order the place she got but he whines.   
  
“Listen, Dominos has those brownie cookie things. Venom needs chocolate for reasons.” Petra grunts at the explanation.   
  
“I’ll postmate something from triple B, their fudge or something. I refuse dominos knowing my location.”   
  
“Oh my god,  I haven’t had triple B since-”   
  
“You got run out of New York for the Oscorp article?” Petra says flatly, before Eddie could speak she holds up a hand and orders some pizza.   
  
\---   
  
The chocolate from Triple Bs showed up first because it was closer, Eddie finally seemed somewhat satisfied.   
  
“Jesus Eddie, did you walk here from California?” Petra sips at a cup of pumpkin spice coffee. The day was getting dark and it was ticking close to christmas.   
  
“Eh… More like clung to a plane for the 9 hours because I didn’t want to buy a ticket. Then bolted from JFK.” Eddie says with a tired shrug.   
  
“Jesus Eddie.” Petra runs her hands through her  short hair. “Alright, so. Am I meeting this mysterious Venom face to face or is this vague idea of a gack space alien popping out of your chest all I’m gonna have.”   
  
“This is why we’re friends, you don’t freak out. You literally just chill. The time I tied your legs with our scarves and held you over a sixty story-”   
  
“Your stalling.”   
  
“He is.” Venom cackles as he appears from behind Eddie’s shoulder, A gooey face with sharp teeth and a waggy tongue. Petra stares blankly for a minute and sips her coffee.   
  
“Important question, Venom. How much were you in control when he went into this lobster tank?” The alien cackles.   
  
“20%, I just wanted food, he’s the one that decided to go into the tank. I found the memory of the golden buffet. It was that but classier place.”   
  
“I’m shocked you accept talking to him so easily.” Eddie says nervously and Petra shrugs.   
  
“I’ve had an interesting week. I proved the theory of multiverse and watched other versions of myself- Oddly enough most of my other versions are men. Fight a bad guy dressed up in spandex. One was a pig.” Petra says completely seriously.   
  
Eddie looks at her with a questioning look. “Don’t look at me like that, you have an alien up your ass- No offense Venom, I already find you a complete delight.”   
  
“I’m… Not going to question that anymore. So i’ll just bring this forward.” Eddie pulls a file out of his backpack, slapping it down on the table. It had confidental slapped along the front, as well as the name ‘Oscorp.’   
  
“I have all the research from the California base. But I need pictures from the New York lab.” Eddie get’s professional and Venom wraps himself around Eddie’s neck like a weird scarf or snake. Tongue blepped out as he looks at the paper.   
  
“Can you get in there and find, to take pictures of project Fusion? I have reason to believe their breaking the law and I’m barely allowed to be here with OsCorp breathing down my neck. You went to school with the CEO’s son too.” Eddie lays down on the facts and it increases Petra’s need to shove her friend out the window.   
  
“Eddie, my dude. My guy. I can’t just walk into Oscorp. Find a secret project and take pictures.”   
  
“Yeah you can! Harry totally had a crush on you, probably still do-” Petra cuts off Eddie quickly, nearly spit taking.   
  
“Eddie, I’m not going to seduce a friend I haven’t probably seen in a year-”   
  
“Why haven’t you seen him in a year?” Eddie frowns standing up to pace and he thinks.   
  
“Well he and MJ are engag-”   
  
“WOAH, hold up!! MJ turned from dating you to dating Harry Osborn??” Eddie points at Petra who huffs.   
  
“Listen, it’s no big deal. MJ even asked me if it be weird. I said no.”   
  
“Yet you haven’t hung out with Harry in a year? How long has it been hanging out with MJ? Huh?”   
  
“Eddie is very invested in your romantic life for some odd reason.” Venom cackles on his home’s shoulder.   
  
“Overly interested if you ask me.”  Petra takes a pointed sip of her coffee. “I’m not seducing Harry. But I can try to get some kinda picture, accusary and taken in a way to make them look sinister. But I’d have to give them to you and let you say it’s anonyomous or you took them.”   
  
“Cmon Pete. Please. Maybe you can hack them, or call on one of Ben’s old detective buddies. Cause a distraction and get info with someone. Cmon Pete, you use to help me cause mayhem to get info all the time.” Eddie practically begs and Venom ‘humfs.’ to himself and mutters something under his breath that sounded vaguely like ‘pussy.’   
  
Petra was going to deny yet again but then he said something that struck a cord. “We could be heroes, like when we broke apart that sex trafficing ring and helped the police save all those people.”   
  
An idea was forming in her mind. “Fine, I’ll do it.” Eddie throws his hands in the air. “Finally! Thank you Pete. You won’t regret this I promise. I just need to go get the last bit of evidence from Canada then-”   
  
“So you expect me to do it all on my own? Typical.” Petra teases, just then the doorbell rung and she stood up to go get it. “Also you owe me BIG time for all the money spent on food AND for this job alright buddy.” She says sharply.   
  
“I’ll get you back, I swear!” Eddie calls.   
  
\---   
  
Noir, as he’s started to call himself as the nickname his alternate reality buddies started calling him in the middle of a small crisis of some kind. He doesn’t like to give his multiple problems a name. It’s just a crisis.   
  
He was missing around with his cube, though he should find comfort from the fact he isn’t the only Spiderman, he just misses the activity. Even with slowly dying from glitching out. He misses his new companions greatly and the common understanding they all had of their main based issues. He also misses colors.   
  
It was… The world was alive and beautiful, vibrant. Hopeful. Noir knew his world was a cold harsh dark place, but it became ten times more dark and depressing after his time in the other universe. The sky was blue, so was the water. Flowers came in so many dizzying colors. He started to learn them. At some point he did snag a box of wax coloring things. That world’s Aunt May had pulled it out for Peni, but she didn’t use them.   
  
He went through them all trying to learn the names and memorize the beauty of it all.   
  
It was then, when he just stood up to go distract himself with an egg cream down by his favourite corner, when a swirling portal appeared in his room. Familiar but more controlled, it made a soft sounding noise and Noir grabs a pip that runs down on into the floor by the side of his bed, in case it starts pulling.   
  
He was missing it but suddenly the possibility arising he’s hesitant. But, through the small portal, something looking much like a cup on a string pops through.   
  
“Hello? Detective Spiderman?” A voice rings out from it and slowly Noir releases the pipe. Slow steps towards the portal, it seemed stable and like it wasn’t going to suddenly suck him in.   
  
Noir picks up the other end and speaks into it. “You got him, Doll. Now what’s with the sudden house call?” He can’t help but be a little bit of a wise guy.   
  
“Got a job, pretty much. I’m Petra Parker, one in the many in the multiverse and I’m trying to get a few people together to help me out.”   
  
Noir makes a light grunt. “No flatfoots in your world or somethin Muffin?”   
  
“No heroes in my world to be more exact. There’s no spidermen, no Captain Americas. No one with superpowers or don costumes to defeat evil. Also just call me Petra.”   
  
  
“What’s in it for me? I missed out on some good work last time and nearly died from this ‘glitching.’ What makes ya think I wanna risk the biscuit again?” Noir already wants to jump in feet first, but he’s gotta ask some questions.   
  
“Uh, shit man. Probably some cool future tech? Heard Oscorp was working with Stark to make some new weapons. Maybe you can snatch a couple well we investigate them? Also, I can send you back at any point. So if my calculations are wrong and you start glitching. I can send you straight home.”   
  
Now that sells him on it, he saw some damn cool guns in Miles’ world but never got the chance to try em out. “Alright, Petra. I’m in. Suck me in.”   
  
“Suck you in? Dude, you can just walk through it.” He hears some clicking and suddenly the portal got large enough to walk in.   
  
“Huh, nice. I’ll be through in a moment.” He tosses his end of the cop into the portal and goes to gather up some extra web fluid, a couple of his favourite convincers as well as his ‘crayolas’ and ‘rubix cube.’   
  
Before taking the dive through the portal, it wasn’t a bumpy journey like the first one, it was colorful and it kinda made him super hot, felt like he was sizzling. But he could walk and he could see a colorful room ahead of him, then behind him his own bleak room.   
  
He gasps once he steps through to the new universe, not realizing he was holding his breath the whole time. He gripes a table near him to hold himself up. “Well, that was more pleasant then the first time.”   
  
The Dame from the call leads him to a chair. “Glad it was slightly better, here you should drink some water man.” He gladly sits and takes the bottle, but he notices something interesting. His leather wasn’t straight black anymore, it was a dark…. Brown? Or reddish color. Before he could question it. Petra speaks up as she goes to her, computer thingy.   
  
“To stop the glitching and to stabilize you into this world, the heat you felt was the machine changing the atoms in your body to coincide with here. But you have all your powers and everything will be normal once you head back!”   
  
“Coulda warned me Doc.” He grumbles, unscrewing the cap on the bottle and pushing his mask up, just enough to drink.   
  
“I’m so glad you agreed, you’re the first one out of the people that were in that universe with Miles Morales.”   
  
Noir feels himself sour a bit. “Who decided not to come?”   
  
“Peter B Parker- He’s busy, dating his ex wife and trying to get that relationship back on track apparently. He talked for a few hours. He seemed like he wanted to but backtracked everytime. Miles and Gwen declined because they needed to go on their own multiverse adventure apparently. Now I’m going to try to contact Spiderham, then Peni Parker.” Petra said all very nonchalantly.   
  
“Jesus Kitten, what are we up against that you’d need all of us?” Noir asks instead of saying something mushy like. ‘I hope they agree and I can hangout with them again.’   
  
Petra clicks away, the portal to Noir’s world disappears and the thing shuts down and then looks like it’s restarting. She picks up a file and turns around to put it on a messy table next to Noir. “This is the file my buddy dug up. Human testing, human deaths. Unexplained mutations, killed off two head scientists and some shady, take over the world vibes in the shadow government kinda way.” Noir puts his drink down to pick up the files and thumb through the contents.   
  
No pictures but a lot of corraspondents between people on subject manners that Petra summarized pretty well.   
  
The portal opens up, but as small as it was in Noir’s world. Petra tosses the phone thing through and speaks into it. “Spiderham? Hello?”   
  
Petra nearly throws the cup when Spiderham answers loudly. “Listen! Is this thing gonna suck me to a new world or something? Like I’m happy you asked with this weird treehouse phone thing. But I’m not looking to get sucked.”   
  
Noir can’t help but chuckle. Petra looks frazzled but she speaks confidently after a moment. “Sorry, it won’t suck you in- I’m Petra Parker, I’m looking for help in my-”   
  
“Oh, another Parker! And another adventure I’m in. Beam me up Scotty!” Ham throws the cop through the portal and it binks off of Petra’s head.   
  
“Well, I wanted to explain what the atom’s are gonna do to him when he walks through…” She shrugs as she opens the portal larger.   
  
“What is it going to do to Ham?” Noir asks worriedly. Petra shrugs again. “No talking pigs in this universe.”   
  
“Oh, ow, jeez! %$^*!” Out plops a man in a suit, falling straight down. But he hops up onto his feet.   
  
“Jesus Christ, look at those gams. How fucking tall are you?” Noir stands up and sees their eye to eye.   
  
“Ehh, what? Noir, buddy old pal. Why are you so short?” The man points at him. “Also why are you brown and not black?” Ham questions accusationary.   
  
“So it isn’t a weird red then.” He looks at his gloved hands. Petra puts a hand on Ham’s shoulder who nearly smacks her as he comically jumps. It’s weird, seeing the cartoonish over reactions from a normal human. Ham gasps as he looks at his hands.   
  
“My god! I’m deformed!” Ham yells as Petra puts him in Noir’s seat. She then gives him water before saying.   
  
“Listen, I would’ve warned you. But you threw the communicator back through the portal. If you wanna go bac-” Petra gets cut off when Ham’s hand practically slaps her square on the face. “No! I’m here for adventure @#$% it! No deformed, human hands will stop me now!”   
  
Noir chuckles and puts a hand on Ham’s shoulder. “Nice seeing ya pal.” Ham turns to look at Noir and honestly, the Dick needs to do a bit of a double take.   
  
“Damn Ham, you got some weirdly colored peepers.” Noir tilts his head and pulls out his crayola box to look at the back with the color names on it, looking between them.   
  
“Uh, getting a bit close there Detective.” Ham says as Noir shoves the box by his face. The closest was blue, but it wasn’t the same shade of blue. They were lighter. Closer to a white, but somehow still held color.   
  
Meanwhile Petra’s already going through the motions to contact Peni Parker. She was excited, everything was working brilliantly and if she does this right. They’ll be able to expose all the inhumane trash going on at OsCorp.   
  
She hopes that MJ and Harry aren’t involved.   



	2. Tomato Pie!?

Peni was in a horrible way, when she got back her Aunt and Uncle tried to cut her off from hero work for awhile and after the nearly glitching out of existence, she had agreed. Stupidly.   
  
Got a chance to go to ocean city, spend some time on the quiet winter beaches and stop stressing.   
  
Went with a friend of Aunt May’s because the two had something to do, but they were meant to come down after it.   
  
It never happened instead, Peni got escorted back to the city and told that they got murdered in an attack on the party the two had to go to by Morbius.   
  
She stuck by her SP//dr suit, trying to make some sense of it all. But everything seemed to be falling through the cracks she  finds herself on top of one of the highest buildings in New York with her little radioactive friend, wishing she could just disappear for awhile. Forget it all.   
  
That’s when a small portal opened up, her spider senses tingling as she stands. It was too small to take her, but dimensional hopping did, displace things. Maybe it wasn’t.   
  
Out of it pops a cup with a black wire going into the portal. A voice rings out of it. “Hello? Is this Peni Parker.”   
  
Peni Picks it up, rubbing at her face to rid herself of her dried tears. “Yeah, This is Peni. Who are you?”   
  
“My name is Petra Parker, I’m recruiting help to bring down a corporation dealing with human testing.” Peni listens carefully, making a noise of understanding.   
  
“I’ve gotten two others that were with you in Miles Morales’ world. I’d love to have a hig-”   
  
“I’m in, pull me in.” Peni says simply tossing the cup back in. Her spider shows concern. “Anywhere is better than here buddy…” She holds on to the meka as the portal opens bigger, she can see a room at the end of the tunnel as the robot enters and then walks through.   
  
Peni feels heat but it’s mild and she pops out of the end pretty unscathed. She already feels better once away, the portal behind her being shut down.   
  
“Hey, here.” Who Peni believes is Petra says as she hands her a bottle of water with a smile. “I’m so glad you agreed, I’m Petra.”   
  
Peni nods, like a smart kid she doesn’t drink the water just yet, she tilts her head.   
  
“Ah, hey kid! You’re lucky, you didn’t get terribly deformed like me.” Ham makes a face and Peni’s eyes go wide.   
  
“Woah!! Ham??? You look so-”   
  
“Outragously ugly? I know, It was a TERRIBLE accident!!” Ham throws his arm over his face. “A crime against nature! I’m no longer my little plucky self.”   
  
Noir chuckles from the side as he does a two finger salute towards Peni. “Hey kid, not too bumpy huh?”   
  
Petra looks around a little lost for a moment, before she claps her hands. “I’ll order some food, pizza? Then we can go over the file together.”   
  
“Pizza sounds so good right now, can I get broccoli, spinach and green peppers?” Peni would kill for that right now it sounds so good, Petra nods, typing on her phone now.   
  
“What about you mister deformed?” She questions and gives him a weird look, along with the others when he yells. “Bacon!” In reply.   
  
“What’s with the look? It a crime to eat bacon in this world?” Ham defends his choice. Noir is the one to say. “Ain’t… Eating another pig weird for you Porker?”   
  
“What? No! Not at all, we got pigs like me and then pigs that aren’t evolved!” Ham crosses his arms. “Liste, it’s better then pinapple.”   
  
“You know what? I’ll accept cannibalism into this house before I accept that, so alright one bacon. Detective?”   
  
“Now, i’va heard the phrase pizza before in little italy. Is that a tomato pie?” The three look at him oddly.   
  
“Ya know, cheese, usually mushrooms and anchovies, then ya got the tomato sauce on top.” He explains, to see two of their faces twist with disgust and one with realization.   
  
“Ohh, I know what you mean.” Petra nods a bit. “Yeah, but it’s sauce, cheese then toppings. That’s pizza. Want mushrooms and anchovies?”   
  
“Uh, just anchovies.” Petra nods and walks out of the room, leaving the door open as she talks on the phone.   
  
Noir’s glad to be understood, but Ham and Peni aren’t letting it slide so fast. “Like, I’m not being crazy here-” He waggles his fingers in circles around his head as he speaks. “But this ‘tomato pie’ sounds like complete heresy.”   
  
The flatfoot huffs a bit. “Listen wise guy it’s not a big dea-”   
  
“It is! Do you eat that with a fork? The sauce isn’t going to just  _ stay  _ on the pizza!” Peni accuses now too. Noir puts his hands up, like their trying to get some salad outta of him.   
  
“It does, what can I say? It does.”   
  
“Alledgedly!” Ham pokes Noir in the nose, more like a boop. “What’s wrong in your messed up world eh? Puttin cheese on a pizza crust first? Do they drink a root beer float with the beer on top? DO THEY USE CHOCOLATE INSTEAD OF VANILLA? I NEED ANSWERS MAN!”   
  
Peni laughs as Noir just raises his hand at the sudden accusations, dumbfounded. Her worries for now behind her.   
  
“Y’all want some fuckin uhh, brownies or something? I could really use another coffee right now.” Petra asks from the doorway, phone still in hand.   
  
“Brownies? You bet your ass-” Ham suddenly stops speaking a wide eyed look on his human face. “Oh my god, i can say ASS! Oh my god! Being horribly deformed comes with some FUCKING benefits. Ahhh!!” Ham puts his arms high up in the air. “Sweet freedom, some damn delisious curse words! WHOOOO!”   
  
Peni is practically on the floor laughing now as Noir covers his face with a hand. Her arms wrapped around her gut as she’s on her knees, even her meka is flashing ‘lol.’ Over and over again.   
  
Petra snorts and then cackles practically. “Alright, so yes to brownies? Alright good. Coffee for anyone else?”   
  
“I’ll take a black coffee. I think I need it after this.” He says exasperatedly, but internally, he’s loving it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank y'all for the feedback!! It honestly keeps me going when writing! Validity for this crazy ride is all I need to sucker punch some words out. <3 than all of you again!!


	3. Chapter 3

Ham and Noir were sitting on the couch futon, Peni like the cool kid she is, sitting on the counter in the kitchen with her pizza.   
  
Petra had rolled her desk chair from her photography studio. “Alright, so to begin with it all.” She begins, everyone has their pizza and Ham had already scarfed down two in a fairly cartoony manner that looks… Well Petra ain’t gonna like, it’s something Brock would do.   
  
But she’s interrupted by Ham and she huffs. “Listen here Petra! We should be allowed to enjoy our food before business!” He makes his pointe clear as he shoves another slice into his mouth.   
  
She makes a noise. “Fine, ya ass. Eat up first guys. My buddy Eddie should come back to stuff his face before he jets off to Canada to get some dude that was a test subject.”   
  
Petra makes a point to bite into her pizza with a huff.   
  
Peni’s happy to munch quietly and everyone is enjoying their pizza, everyone but Noir who still has his mask on.   
  
Peni’s the one to point it out. “Noir, worried about unmasking?” She asks curiously. He shrugs. “Use ta wearin the mask more than not.”   
  
Ham snags a slice of Anchovy pizza from Noir with a grin, before Noir can say anything, The pig turned human makes a good point.   
  
“Hey, if your costume has color, I bet your face will do! Dontcha wanna see what that looks like?” He bites down on the pizza and makes a small face but eats it. “Man, stilllll not a huge fan of anchovies. But, pizza!”   
  
Noir taps his chin then hooks a finger at line were his mask touches the rest of his suit. “Doll, you gotta mirror?” Petra puts her cheese pizza down and slaps the top closed when Ham tried to get a slice.   
  
“Cmon! You got two more cheeses in the kitchen!” Ham whines, but she ignores him. “I think I got a makeup mirror in the bathroom drawr, I’ll be right back.” She points to Ham, who puts his hands behind his back to whistle. “Touch it and I will send you into a world full of man eating ants that will devour you slowly.”   
  
“Edgy, I like it.” Peni adds into the conversation with a laugh, she fist bumps with her Meka.   
  
“Oh you guys love me already, you wouldn’t do that!.... Right?” Ham tries again to get a slice of cheese.   
  
Noir slides his pizza over to Ham with a sigh. “Just leave me a slice Porker, I don’t eat much.”   
  
Ham makes a face but, the options laid bare, he’d prefer the safety of not being eaten alive, thank you very much.   
  
Petra comes back out with a green square makeup mirror with two sides She hands it to Noir. No one pushes him forward to do it and he appreciates it. He’s really only taken the mask off with Felicia Hardy. At least well he’s been The Spider-Man.   
  
The others munch on pizza quietly. He feels like he can trust the three, he can definitely trust Porker and Peni. The kid was good and still had a pure level of hope in here, something he feels he lost along the way after everything…   
  
Ham was a good person, he was a wiseguy and he talked a bit too much. But he’s more aware then he lets on about things. He has a level of understanding about the world.

  
Petra was kinda the odd gal out. She was a straightforward spitfire from what he’s seen of her. Obviously brilliant to an insane degree considering she beat out a TEAM of scientists building something ten times the size of what she has done in a tiny new york apartment. Well stabilizing it, them.   
  
The Spider-man was who he had to become to curb the injustice of the world. He could get the people the cops couldn’t. Petra wants to do that, from the file it was some real Ellis Island shit going on at Oscorp.   
  
The connection came quickly Norman Osborn, this worlds version was up to no good still. Would it bring him the same level of satisfaction? Bringing down the same man that in another universe caused him so much pain? That sicked the geek on Uncle Ben to make it look like he was ripped apart by wild dogs?   
  
Yeah, it would. This time, death is too good. He’s going on trial, so everyone knows. Noir takes off his mask and tucks it into his coat and then looks at his reflection.   
  
He’s mildly surprised, he knew he looked fairly similar to Peter B. But in color it’s a bit more on the nose, though Noir is more rough around the edges. He’s noise is a off centered by a few inches from the bridge, he still has little scars on his cheek and eyes from when the Sandman put the beat on him in Seventh along while ago.   
  
It proves more, the grittier his life has been compared to the others. He did have a slightly boxier shape.   
  
Petra speaks up. “You look like a rugged main character in a no plot action flick.” she takes a bit of her pizza and pulls out her phone to text.   
  
  
“Should I say thanks to that or…?” Noir questions raising a brow. Porker slaps his back and pushing the pizza box offer, two slices remain after hogs rampage upon it.   
  
“Compliment for sure! Bet you aren’t bad looking in human standards!” Porker  gives him a thumps up that makes him snort and crack a small smirk. “Thanks.”   
  
He picks up a slice of pizza and sighs in relief at the taste, it was amazing. It tasted so damn good.   
  
Peni doesn’t weigh an opinion in, just enjoying her pizza, mind elsewhere. Suddenly the three pause and stand up, spidey senses tingling.   
  
“Wh-” Suddenly Eddie and Venom come crashing through the open fire escape window.   
  
Petra stands up to. “Easy guys, easy.” She waves at them, Noir had whipped out a gun.   
  
Venom doesn’t reside right away. “Who are they?” He asks with a pointed finger. Petra gets between them all.   
  
“Help, A Detective, a hacker and a distraction.” She explains and Venom makes a noise and then goes back to being on the inside of Eddie.   
  
“Why you always look like shit Brock?” Petra leads him to her chair and then goes to grab the two other cheese pizza boxes, along with another box of fudge. He snorts. “Ya know when people say they dunk their kids in sugar and that’s why their so sweet? Well I got dropped in dog shit.”   
  
Petra laughs and pats his back. Slowly the three settle down anxiously. Eddie stares them all down then looks at Petra. “Where’d you get these guys?   
  
  
“Told you about the multiverse thing, their all very far off iterations of me in the multiverse web.” Petra explains, he looks at her and then at the others, then back at here.   
  
“Listen, I’m too dumb for this shit, I’ll take your word on that and we can get down to the briefing. After food.” Eddie grabs two slices of pizza and folds them over to make a make shift calzone. “God knows what we’re going to get into with more versions of you Pete.”   
  
Petra laughs and pats his back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for the comments!! I am loving writing this!!


	4. WHATTA BOUT ME?

Eddie Brock?..... Peni and her spider question at the same time. Then Peni remembers her classmate Addy Brock.   
  
The tired adult man didn’t look ANYTHING like her.   
  
Ham speaks up in weird tone. “You’re not Austrian!” It came out as an accusation, he would know that gooey suit anywhere.   
  
“Uh, I’m… I’m not?” Eddie says confused. Ham points at him. “Ridiculous Pork Grind was Austrian!”   
  
Peni chuckles, covering her mouth. Noir chews his pizza and just listens. Petra snorts as she grabs a piece of fudge from the box that she gave Eddie.   
  
“I am confused and tired. Please let me exist silently without making my brain hurt.” Eddie begs, Ham sits down with crossed arms.   
  
“Fine… But I’m going to be real upset if you suddenly start talkin funky.” Ham does the ‘eyes on you’ motion with his fingers.   
  
“Listen, let’s just talk about the plan.” Petra gives Eddie a look when he tries to interrupt her.   
  
“OsCorp is testing genetic engineering on living people and they are dying. Supposedly there is one sucess and it’s some guy out in Canada. That’s where Eddie is going.”   
  
“Yeah, dude said he got picked up by goons in Vancouver and then shipped around between places and put through excruciating tests, then he got released on some interstate. He said this all to the paper but I wanna talk him into possibly testifying against the company.” Eddie speaks with his mouth full of pizza.   
  
“You got his name and everything?” Petra questions, Eddie nods, clearing off any grease from his mouth with his sweatshirt sleeve. “Yeah, Wade Wilson. Lives with his dad out in the Canadian woods. Was into martial arts, guns and sports. He was apparently coming back from college for a visit when they got him.”   
  
“What a welcome that was.” Petra shakes her head. “Moving on, got a plan Brock? Or should I lay out my idea first?”   
  
“Pete, you’re the thinker. I was just gonna say cause a distraction, run in and get lucky.”   
  
Venom curls out of the back of Eddie’s next to say. “That’s how we met, he was lucky he found me and not one of the others.” Eddie holds out a slice of pizza for the alien who glady munches on it, taking the whole thing out of Eddie’s hand to scarf it down.   
  
“Okay that was terrifying.” Ham says with his long legs now pulled up onto the couch.   
  
“Not the most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen.” Noir shrugs and Peni also weighs in. “Looks like bad CGI pizza commercial where the pizza place is like. ‘Our pizza! So out of this world Aliens love it!’”   
  
Eddie finds himself laughing at that. Venom huffs, wrapping himself around Eddie’s neck.   
  
Petra snorts but then claps her hand. “I think, we should attack the Oscorp building directly, I know where the lab is back when Harry Osborn was really pushing me to be one of the top scientists-”   
  
“You never said thank you for the warning.” Eddie try to goats, but Petra just continues. Thats another conversation.   
  
“Two sub-basements that is known. First level engineering, second level bio engineering. We can probably get in through the CEO office, there’s a private elevator that’s hidden behind a book case-”   
  
“I met up with an old pal that use to run security at Oscorp, one of the people that knew about the animal stuff. Through my fian-” “Ex-fiancée” Venom quickly adds as Brock continues. “He didn’t get in trouble for breaking his agreement, dude runs his own bar now. I’m proud of him. But anyway, there’s a paper closet, that they apparently lock up videos, papers, all their analog evidence. It’s surprisingly on the same level as their ballroom for the big Osborn parties.”   
  
“That would be too hard to get too, their setting up their annual christmas party.” Petra chasties, but Noir pops in. “I’m pretty good about finding my way into places with a lot of people around, I could try to get to it if you need to?”   
  
“Maybe, it isn’t so much guards it’s the cameras.” Petra clicks her nails against the pizza box. Peni shrugs. “The tech in this world, is pretty easy and predictable for me to deal with. I maybe able to run a seamless camera cycle. I’d just need to be close enough.”   
  
Petra nods. “Per-”   
  
“What about me?!!” Ham tosses his hands in the air. “Who will I be?”   
  
“How well can you fake a seizure?” As soon as the word came out, Ham started convolusing and sliding off the couch, arms twitch.   
  
“Oh jesus christ Ham!” Noir has no idea what a seizure is, he bends down to put a hand on Ham’s shoulder.   
  
He stops moving and laughs. “Pretty good eh!!” Ham says smugly looking towards Petra.   
  
“Okay, yeah that was good.” Petra admits. Ham turns his head up and looks up at the worried friend.   
  
“I’m fineeee, but thanks for the worry! You’re a peach!” Ham pats Noir’s face in thanks.   
  
“Well this is coming together well!” Eddie explain with a stretch. “It won’t go as well as it sounds, never does.” Venom cackles.   
  
“Oh shush you drama queen.” Eddie chastises.


	5. Hammond Noir???

Three days later of eating pizza, awkward sleeping arrangements and people needed to bath. She was exhausted, Eddie at least was fine sleeping on the floor. Peni got the unused bed in the photography studio and Ham beat her in rock paper scissors for the futon. Ham let Noir sleep on the bed, but no it was too small for anyone else.   
  
Their planning was slowly coming into action, they were going to hit the building after the christmas party, when everyone is leaving. Eddie took the chance to go out and get his passport, at Petra’s insistence. She even paid for it, her ‘move out of New York’ fund is cracked into now. It should keep them all afloat long enough, she just doesn’t want to waste all of it. Though, she may need to get them clothes since they all only have one set.   
  
Petra curses as she attempts to make a non pizza lunch, she had run out to the store and just picked up random stuff she think she could do.   
  
Right now she tries not to burn herself with Aunt May’s old waffle maker as she tries to keep the batter from spilling out of it because she put too much in.   
  
She doesn’t notice the door be unlocked or the two people walking down the short hall into the messy livingroom, kitchen and makeshift bedroom. Peni was in the photography room with Ham and Noir was taking his turn in the bathroom.   
  
“Petra?”   
  
The woman in question nearly jumped out of her skin at the familiar voice, she spins around to stare wide eyed at Mary Jane Watson, looking as beautiful as ever. Her glittering green eyes, long beautiful red hair. Next to her, Harry Osborn, her best friend, though she hasn’t treated him as such in a long time.   
  
All she can do is just accuse. “You guys still haven’t dropped the keys off??” The two give Petra a smile as Harry jangles them.   
  
“How else will we spy on you when you leave?” He jokes as he moves to lean on the dinky counter with his cost more than this apartment jacket on. Petra narrows her eyes, but try to keep it light.   
  
“Oh, here I thought I could get some PRIVACY in my own home.”   
  
“Hush up Petra, you haven’t been answering your texts all week.” MJ pulls out an invitation from her jacket pocket.   
  
“We want to invite you to the Christmas party! We all had fun last year, it be nice to come together, dance, drink, eat. For free.” MJ puts the invite on the counter.   
  
“No plus one added because we know you haven’t me-”   
  
Because the universe hates Petra and makes her have to come up with lies on the spot. Noir walks out from the bathroom next to the kitchen in clear sight of the two who freeze.   
  
One might add he’s shirtless with just a pair of jeans, he hasn’t noticed the two new people yet, no danger so no spidey senses going off. “Doll, the pants can work but the shirt is way too small.” Noir looks up, his blow wide and everyone is in this awkward silence.   
  
“O-oh, maybe you do need that plus on-” Mary Jane begins and then Ham had to bust out of the photography room, in a pair of Petra’s short shorts and her favourite t-shirt, dammit she didn’t want him to take that one.   
  
“Okay Petra, listen. You have never-” Ham also notices the new people awkwardly. “Wow, I didn’t know this was a party.”   
  
“What is?” Peni peaks out of the photography room and then goes back in with a call. “Not my business, have fun adults.”   
  
  
“Two boyfriends…??” Harry asks with a tone of offense. Petra speaks quicker then her brain can tell her to stop.   
  
“No! This is Mister Noir and uh his Husband!! Ham…mond Noir!!” Petra wants to kill herself, even more as she keeps going. “Ham-..mond! Hammond just came back to New York to work at the bugle!!”   
  
“Whose the girl?” MJ questions, a good question and Ham jumps in to help. “OUR LOVELY DAUGHTER PENI! DON’T PUT AN S AT THE END OF THAT!”   
  
Poor Noir has no idea how to deal with this and less as Ham throws an arm over his bare shoulders. “I use to work at the bugle, photography just like Petra! Moved to Chicago met this tall drink of water, got married and now i’m make and better then ever!”   
  
  
Noir jus nods slowly. “Yup.” He might as well roll with it. Petra continues. “Their apartment got robbed and they weren’t allowed to stay there, so I offered them the extra room, since Ham and I became good pals.” Petra runs a hand through her short hair with a laugh.   
  
“Okay? Weird but okay.” Harry says slowly, but MJ brightens up. “Oh you’re a photographer too Mr Noir? Have you talked Petra into going full time?”   
  
Petra feels the jab, MJ when they were together really wanted her to focus on photography because she was ‘good’ at it and it was a better job. But when she DOES do her job right, suddenly she’s the bad guy with no morals for accidently helping get OsCorp smacked with lawsuits over unethical animal treatment.   
  
Ham goes to shmooze. “I’ve been trying to, she’s a fantastic photographer, always the right place and the right time. Should do it full time!” He bullshits the whole thing as Noir inches back into the bathroom.   
  
Harry speaks to her well MJ and Ham shoot the shit. “Petra, this is… Very unlike you. Are you alright? Financially? Physically?? Do you need money?”   
  
“I’m fine Hare.” She waves him off. Then smells burning. “Oh shit!” She spins around and yanks out the waffle iron cord from the wall and opens it to black waffles. “Goddammit…. Pizza again.” She whips out her phone, to start dialing but Peni, as if being summoned by the mere mention of the food reappears.   
  
“At least order chinese or something!! I’m so tired of pizza….” She whines. Ham quickly hushes her. “Be niceee Peni P. Noir, she let us stay here. Now how about you go find your pops a different shirt huh?” Ham points towards the bathroom Noir is now hiding in.   
  
Peni catches on quickly, she rolls her eyes and turns around. “Sure, whatever Dad.”   
  
\----   
  
After an awkward chinese take out lunch with the soon to be Mr. and Mrs. Osborn, where Ham predominantly and luckily continued to chat with MJ about what kinda photography he did in Chicago.   
  
Harry stiffly talks to Petra about the new discoveries they’ve had happening at the company and how they’d love to have her on. Everytime it comes to that, she politely declines, tensely.   
  
Harry gets a call and stands up. “That’s my dad, one moment.” He stands up and walks towards the front door to answer it.   
  
MJ makes sound of understanding and comes up with a great idea. “You three should come to the christmas party too! It would be fun, there will be some kids Peni’s age there too and, since you have such an extensive experience in photography, I bet you could meet a lot of people that would want to hire you Hammond! Some extra cash for the new apartment.” Leave it to Mary Jane Watson to try and help a stranger after speaking for an hour.   
  
“I do-”   
  
“That sounds wonderful! Is it sign in or do I need a proper paper invite for the three of us?” Ham says cheerily.   
  
“Oh, the paper invites are just for RSVPing. I’ll have your name on it and make it a plus two invite. On Petra’s card is the dress code!”   
  
“Mary, honey. Dad wants us to go to dinner. He has an associate that he wants us to meet. We should head home to get ready.” Harry says when he gets back, MJ stands, picking up her jacket as she goes. “Sounds good! Also, I invited the Noirs to the party, if that’s alright.”   
  
Harry makes a face, for a brief moment. But he’s too polite or wants to let MJ have what she wants when he says. “Of course that’s fine.”   
  
“It was great to see you Petra!! See you lot at the party.” The duo leave and it’s silent for a few minutes before the scientist spins to point a finger at Ham.   
  
“You! What were you thinking?? This RUINS the plan!”   
  
“Ruined? I made it better! Now we don’t have to break in, we can stroll on in as party goers and have free range. You said the CEO office with the elevator AND the record closet were on the ballroom floor. Now I won’t have to draw attention by pretending I have a seizure.”   
  
Noir is surprised. “That’s…. A fantastic plan Ham.” The cartoon pig turned human puts his arms behind his head and leans back with his leg on his knee. “Bet your ass it is.”   
  
Petra pinches the bridge of her nose, “Great, fantastic do you know what this means?” She doesn’t let anyone answer, because she answers. “We’re gonna need to go out and get suits.” She hisses opening the card to see the dress code.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT BEGINS THE SLOW DESENT INTO HAMNOIR AND DAUGHTER PENI!! Comments really keep me going y'all!! thank you so much <3


	6. Fake deep and suits

“Are you sure, you’ll be fine?” Eddie asks again, suddenly involving MJ and Harry made him worried. “I know they figured out that you helped last time and that soured your relationship-”   
  
“Listen Eddie.” Petra counts out another hundred to stuff into an envelope for Eddie to take on his trip to Canada. “First. Here, should be plenty for a hotel room for a few days and some form of meals.” Eddie takes it and puts it into his backpack.   
  
“Secondly, they let that slide. Because I told them I had no idea that Oscorp was connected. MJ still found it morally reprehensible that I ‘sold out’ our friend. But Harry wasn’t involved, he wasn’t working or doing anything there. I care about them both, but if Oscorp is doing evil shit, then I plan on bringing it to justice.”   
  
Eddie smirks. “Youuuu sound like meeeee!” He laughs when Petra tosses a can opener at his head, Venom easily jerks him out of the way.   
  
“Shut it Brock. You don’t own doing the right thing, there are people in there going through what I can imagine hell is like. Doing the right thing is more important than friendship.” Petra turns back to her desk in her science lab, finding her car keys.    
  
“Listen, there are things more important than justice. Life is one and the people you care about is the other one. I lost Anne. I’m still, sad about that. Thanks to Venom, he prompted me to finally apologize- We’re friends again.” Eddie puts a hand on her back, between her shoulder blades. “You gotta think Pete, can you live with them not wanting to associate with you ever again?”   
  
“Honestly?” Petra asks, turning to look at Eddie over her shoulder. “I’d be sad for awhile, eat some ice cream. But since the break up…. Since the engagement. They’ve both been driving me up the wall. Hare just keeps asking me to work for them, MJ tries to pressure me into photography full time because I won’t accept the ‘prestigise’ position at Oscorp. She hated my need for justice Eddie. She…. She called me out when she packed her shit and left.” Petra puts her hands down on the desk and looks at them, Eddie’s hand still comforting on her back.   
  
“Said I put myself in danger, that you were a bad influence on me. Twisting my teenage trauma of Uncle Ben so I’ll do dumb shit to expose people to ‘Justice!’” She practically hisses the next part. “It should be the right thing to do. To expose people being evil Eddie. I hate that they turned it on me, made it about my relationships with them. They accusing the fact I told the truth, to mean I hate them or am angry. I was so mad after that.”   
  
She sucks in a deep breath and stands up straight. “Listen, We gotta get you to JFK and then I need to go to Yi’s formal Boutique and hope to fuck I can get some tailored formal wear before christmas.” She grabs her keys to Aunt May’s beat up ford squire, luckily this place had a parking garage across the street.   
  
“Get the others and head to the fourth level of the garage across the street. You know what the car looks like.” Petra waves Eddie off and he knows better than to pressure her more about stuff after that.   
  
\----   
  
Eddie can’t help but side eye the three, the all looked ridiculous. Peni didn’t, must be solidarity for the two others.   
  
Petra had dog out all of her old shit, hoping something would work. Noir was stuck in a colorful ugly as shit christmas sweater that said ‘Let’s get ELFED up” with drunk elves on it and a pair of jeans that wouldn’t be skinny jeans on Petra but is on poor Noir. He wanted to keep the hat, but god the fadora clashed so badly, Ham tossed him a black beanie back at the place, god it all looked even more ridiculous with his leather boots.   
  
Ham decided it was completely reasonable to wear camo cargo pants in this weather with some weird ass grey tunic and an orange scarf.   
  
Peni found an old halloween costume that Petra had tried very hard to put together ages ago. Of Marty McFly in Back To The Future 2. The hat, the jacket and the damn shoes.   
  
Even for Manhattan some people gave them a couple weird looks. Then to top it all off, Eddie as always looked like complete trash and like he was going to meet his meth dealer or suck a dick in an alleyway.   
  
Venom chastises his bad view of himself.  _ “You’re handsome Eddie.” _   
  
Eddie snorts and mutters to himself. “Thanks darling.” He can feel Venom’s emotions and the happiness when he calls the symbiote darling. He can’t help but smile to himself about whatever is developing between the two.   
  
“Alright, let’s get going.” Petra looks like she actually tried, not by much. But her outfit isn’t an eyesore for once. Jeans, jean jacket and converse. She walks to the driver seat and unlocks the car.   
  
“Shotgun!” Eddie calls immediatly making Ham deflate, the poor pig turned man had only got out the ‘Sho’ part.   
  
Noir, being unconfrentational with his friends, sat in between Ham and Peni, so the two could have a window seat.

  
“Now, I have 2 car rules, that have to be followed.” Petra says tersely, pulling out her phone and plugging it into a red speaker stuck onto the dashboard.   
  
She continues before anyone can interrupt her. “First, don’t question my music. Second don’t backseat driver me, alright?”   
  
Eddie snorts and the three agree easily. Petra hits randomize and ‘6969’ By NSP comes on and Eddie groans.   
  
\---   
  
“Before I go, just wanna state this again. You could get back together with MJ-” Petra pinches the bridge of her nose in irritation at the subject being brought up again by Eddie.   
  
“Listen, It’s over. We’re two different people, she’s getting married and I don’t know why you want me to be in a relationship with her again. Email me when you land alright? Don’t do anything stupid.” Pats his hand that’s gripped on the rolled down driver side window. “Safe trip alright?”   
  
“Yeah… Alright.” He stands back up and sighs, as Petra starts cranking the window up he says. “You two just seemed perfect. Like if fate meant you two belong to each other.”   
  
“I don’t believe in fate Eddie, if it is real. MJ and I have already run our course, it’s driving me towards a new fate if it is.” The three in the back are, luckily silent after their first goodbyes to the reporter.   
  
“Alright. I’ll stop bringing it up.” His tone of voice didn’t really sound like he would. He waves to the guys in the back and then walks up. Petra cranks up the window all the way and starts driving. She was about to play music again but Noir speaks up.   
  
“So, is it normal in the future to be homosexual?” He’s an open minded guy, A Marxist as some people would shout at him and Aunt May. New York at the time was also filled with all types, it was still against the law but so was liquor, so was interracial relationships.   
  
Petra shrugs. “Slowly but surely, yeah. Really only ‘safe’ in general terms on the east coast and west coast. But it is. Same sex marriage has recently been legalized for the entirity  of the states. But there are always troubles, clerks not wanting to legalize papers, bakers not making cakes for same sex couples. Both citing religious reasons.”   
  
Noir huffs and rolls his eyes. “Religion, a big stopping point for a lot of social constructs. I understand the deep moral roots of being kind and giving, but they’re always trying to convert you.”   
  
Petra snorts with a grin. “Ironically enough, amen.” Even Noir lets out a soft laugh. Ham butts in as he climbs over the seat to score shotgun.   
  
“Jesus Ha-”   
  
“So you’re a Lesbian!” He points in her face with one hand as he buckles up with the other.   
  
Petra slaps the hand out of her face. “My longest and most serious relationship was with MJ, but I’m bisexual for sure. I had a boyfriend, Gene Stacy for a long time, most of High School till senior year.”   
  
“Gene Stacy?? GWEN STACY IS A GIRL HERE!” Ham shouts and everyone groans. Peni speaks up next.   
  
“How’d you know you liked girls too?”   
  
“God is this just pester Petra about her relationships day or something?” She groans as they finally leave the airport and straight into traffic.   
  
“I denied it for a long time, it’s like…. Listen sometimes you see a woman and you appreciate everything about her, the way she dresses, the way she holds herself and the way she speaks. When you don’t know yet, you can pretend you just want to befriend her. That, NO . You’re not gay! You obviously like guys, dah. That’s normal.” Petra pinches the bridge of her nose again, a nervous tick before speaking again.   
  
“You follow the normality of the world. Boy meets girl, girl meets boy. You know that people go that way. You deny yourself something that could’ve been because of a gut wrenching fear of stepping out of line. Then, even if you come to terms with it all. What makes you think one of the coolest girls in school is also gay, and even if she was? Would she want you? So you just go through the normal, you meet a cute guy. Yeah you like him, yeah you guys makeout and do stuff. It’s great, you’re happy. But it’s exhausting and depressing holding something back for so long. Always there.”   
  
She turns and the car is silent for a few minutes before Petra speaks again. “When you finally make the leap, take a chance. Let all the weight leave your body. You realize, you had no idea you were denying yourself something beautiful for so long. Like a man whose been in the desert too long, having water for the first time. It’s as if, the best way to explain it is a religious experience.”   
  
“That…. Doesn’t sound like someone that is over someone else would say.” Ham says slowly. Petra groans. “Listen, it was beautiful. She’s become a bit of a prick lately. Wanting to change me. I feel like she isn’t the woman I knew. So I can’t pretend that if we got back together, she’d suddenly become her old self. You can’t expect that. You gotta appreciate who people ARE, not trying to change them.”   
  
Ham hums and nods, like that was a perfectly logical explaination. Peni speaks up. “I…. I’m now thinking if I’m denying myself something?” The poor kid sounds like she’s having a crisis.   
  
Noir chimes in. “Same…. Ya, just don’t think of it do you? It is about this level of normality ya face day to day.”   
  
“Well, I mean. How do you know till you take a chance? If you haven’t experienced it, it’s always a possibility! Definitely been guys I’ve thought about!” Ham admits cheerily.   
  
Petra nods in agreement. “Yeah, I think there’s a natural state of human curiosity about it all. But it’s the inhibitions of society, religion or otherwise that weighs on the guilt of man.”   
  
“Woah.” Peni says seriously and it makes Petra chuckles. “The bicuriosity is contagious my friends”   
  
“No kiddin…” Noir was really questioning a lot now. He knows he liked being with Felicia Hardy, but… She was the only woman he had ever been with properly. Sure he had kissed a few dames, but sex wasn’t something layed so bare in a time were an unwed mother could easily be tossed aside into the streets to die with a child along for the ride. Had to be smarter. For the few that did lay themselves bare like that, he’d not want to go that far. The memory of women walking the soup line with small infants way back when with May doing her best to feed as many as possible.   
  
There had been some men that Noir had appreciated in the same way Petra explained appreciating women. He clicks his tongue. Something to dig into later, or never because it is still illegal and not much happiness would come about him discovering himself sexually in his universe but more pain as usual.   
  
“Alright, we’re here.” She pulls into a little parking area behind a large black building. There was a sign at the back door. ‘Yi’s Formal Boutique.’   
  
Petra steps out of the car and so does the rest, the two in the back with deep thoughts on their mind. Petra is already emotionally spent for the day and Ham is his cheerful self as he explains. “I think I want a pink suit!”   
  
“It’s Black ti- you know what? Do whatever. I’m too tired to stop any of you guys.” Petra locks the car once everyones out and shlumps her way to the back entrence.   
  
\---   
  
“Of course I can do that dear!! I don’t have too many dealering jobs at the moment. You caught me at a good time.” Mrs Yi says with a clap of her hands, she was an old gal that was good friends with aunt May.   
  
“Really, thank you so much Mrs Yi.” Petra thanks and the woman waves her hand in Petra’s face. “Dearie! Please, how many times do I say, you can call me Granny!”   
  
“How many times have I said, i feel I disrespect you by saying that.” Petra says with a smile.   
  
“Too many! One day you’ll accept that. No go! My daughter sent me some original patterns of hers and I have some prototypes up. Tons of new fabrics too!! I knew patterned suits would come back.” She tittered and then walked behind the counter to talk to her son.   
  
The other three were already going around, looking at stuff. Petra decides she’s just going to flip through the small handmade catalog and mix and match a design like she did last year.   
  
Noir wrote down the number of a classic formal suit and was now staring, with his little pad of paper and pen that he was handed when he came in- At ties.   
  
So many colors, he tucks the pad and pen in a pocket and takes out his crayola box to look through the colors.   
  
“Need some help with that ‘Pops.’” Peni seemed to already pick something too. Noir cracks a small smile.   
“I’m surrounded by wise guys. Sure kid.” He shows her the box. “I like this ‘violet’ color and this ‘peach’ color.”   
  
Peni nods her head and stares at the wall. “Just solid color is a bit boring.”   
  
“Any color is amazing to me kid. I’ll let you decide.” Noir gives the rains to the kid who makes a humming noise.   
  
After a few minutes she walks up and down the wall, eyes darting around before stopping and grabbing a tie with a grin, shaking it out to be sure with a nod she holds it up for Noir to assess.   
  
It was a floral design with a violet background, the flowers were peachy, light blue and a color he can’t assess full on. “What is that color?”   
  
“Looks kinda like copper wiring to me.” Peni turns her head slightly to look at it. Noir nods.   
  
“I like it, thanks kid.” Noir pats her shoulder and takes the tie from her, Ham rushes over from the other end of the store, a distant sound of someone saying ‘No running!’   
  
Slows him as he gets to them. “Guys, guys. Look!!” He shows off four pocket squares with pig designs on them. Cute cartoon pigs, some with the front of pig snouts on them.”   
  
“We should wear these!” Ham insists, a big grin on his face that is too cute for Noir to deny.   
  
“None of those matched the colors I pickedddd.” Peni whines a bit and it makes Ham deflate a bit.   
  
“I’ll wear one Ham, which one matches best with this tie.” The pig turned man brightens right up again and Peni leaves the two be, so she can look at the bow ties.   
  
Petra is exhausted but as she takes a moment to consider everything. She’s really enjoying hanging out with the three heroes. Maybe that says something about her and the fact she isolates herself, that her only friends are other people that isolate themselves and then alternate versions of herself pretty much.   
  
She chooses not to think about it for now and shut her brain off as Mrs. Yi helps her draw out her outfit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for commenting and leaving kudos!! it warms my heart <3!!
> 
> also, I didn't expect for Petra to be anything but a useless plot OC, but now I project things onto her and I love her.


	7. The Bellringer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a small warning for some antigay shit. Salvation Army shit...

They were all measured and styles picked, fabric picked and the suits will be delivered the afternoon the day of the party. That was a weight off Petra’s shoulders.   
  
They had just loaded back into the car when Petra brings it up. “Outback steakhouse?”   
  
Peni answers first, she got shotgun this time around. “I’m a vegetarian.”   
  
“Right, uh fuck. Hmm. Vegan is the one where you don’t eat anything made or produced by living things right?”   
  
“Yeah, I fish, eggs and stuff like that I’m fine with.”   
  
Petra nods her head.   
  
“Italian? Go to olive garden??”   
  
“ENDLESS BREADSTICKS!!” Ham says excitedly, but then pauses. “Though isn’t it a bit fucked up- heehee, fuck, fuck fuck- Fucked up to go to a chain italian place in NEW YORK of all places?”   
  
“Kinda sacreligious yeah, but those endless breadsticks ARE kinda a big deal.” Petra explains, Peni has a grivance.   
  
“Please, I am literally begging you. No more italian, no more bread and red sauce touching. I am done with it.” Peni sinks into the seat with a whine.   
  
“How about a diner? Egg sandwiches, egg creams. Roast beef sandwiches? French fries.” Noir quips in and Petra nods her head.   
  
“Sound good to me? Y’all cool with that?”    
  
“Sure, can we try to get sushi for dinner maybe? I’m dying for a spicy tuna roll.” Peni sighs dreamily at the thought of it.   
  
“Fuck, uh. Definite maybe there Peni. I’ll just need to find a place and one that delivers because I am done being outside already.” Petra finally leaves the parking lot and has a destination in mind for a diner.   
  
“Man, I think you’re the most anti-social version of Peter Parker I’ve ever seen!” Ham notes with a head title, so Petra could see him in the mirror.   
  
“Even PB Parker didn’t give a shit and just went out there.”   
  
“Ham, I think I take the cake for most anti social.” Noir points out, he doesn’t make any social calls anymore. Other then if he needs to run some information to Felicia.   
  
“You carry yourself well though! Even if you don’t like it or do it often, you know how to! Did you see Petra in there? Complete lack of confidence, shlumped back, weird standing position. Practically trying to disa-”   
  
“Ham I will through you out of this fucking car and run you over.” Petra groans in annoyance.   
  
“You need to let me finish! So rude interrupting someone.” Ham says cheekily with a tsk, like he never interrupted her before. “You should be more confident is my ending note here!! You’re obviously a genius and you’re photography studio is amazing, those clippings and stories? SPECTACULAR! You should carry yourself like you’re a big shot!” Ham does jazz hands when he’s done.   
  
“Listen here Pig man. I am a wretched gremlin and I prefer it like this. People don’t fuck with me.” Petra huffs.   
  
“I mean, she has a point? Act hardboiled and people leave you alone.” Noir says with a shrug. Turning to watch the buildings pass.   
  
Ham huffs. “Fine, be that way!” He crushes his arms and looks out the window. Petra presses shuffle play and relaxes as Best friend by toybox comes on, she does avoid the looks  directed at her as it plays, face pinkening. It was a song from her childhood okay?   
  
\---   
  
After a good meal, Peni wormed her way into making the three go to a mall, they needed more clothes just in case they were here longer.   
  
She also had muttered something about ‘vintage styles are so in’ under her breath. So here they were, the fucking mall. Crawling with crazed people getting last minute christmas shopping and incessantly loud.   
  
“Y’all don’t have a phone I can connect with, so we gotta do this together. I do not want to be stuck walking all over this fucking mall looking for you chumps.” Petra says as she walks forward she turns around “Got i-” And, surprisingly two were gone. Noir and Peni were in no sight but Ham was right there.   
  
“Oh fuck me.”   
  
Ham looks around, he not noticing that the two were gone. “Oh, huh, weird.”   
  
\---   
  
Now Noir didn’t mean to do the splits on the group, but everything was very distracting and a big sensory overload. He made a beeline to the dimmest less noisey store as possible. Even though it stank like a hundred musked up men hitting the jazz joint. Also… Shirtless men in santa hats. The future is vexing.   
  
  
“I think you think that you’re better at disappearing then you are.” Peni says and it nearly made Noir jump. “Jesus kid, you tryin to put me in an early grave?”   
  
She shrugs. “Doing my duty for the overpopulation problem.” She scrunches up her nose as she looks around. “Abercombie and Fitch has not changed at all between now and my time.”   
  
“Shirtless men, what’s even the point.” Noir sighs, at least it was dimmer and quieter. Even if there was a thrumming of odd music.   
  
“Oh, sex appeal.” Peni supplies as she eyes some cool hoodies that are way too expensive.   
  
“I cannot begin, on how uncomfortable hearing you say that has made me.” Noir admits going to stand by the table of clothes with the manniquin torso in the middle of it with the product.   
  
“Oh, sorry ‘pops,’ Don’t worry, you’re daughter knows nothing about sex.” Peni teases with a grin as she looks at the price.   
  
Noir shakes his head with a sigh and then looks at the price. “Jesus, that kind of money could keep over a hundred people well feed for a couple days.”   
  
“Oh, people spend way more than this on clothes too. Inflation is even worse in my time.” Peni folds the article and puts it back, respectful of the busy employees.   
  
“Also, we left her with Ham. Petra is dead.” Peni says in a somber tone and a sad shake of her head that makes Noir chuckle.   
  
“Ham will be proud of that achievement.” Noir adds in as they walk around the store. “Oh, and we left the woman with the lettuce. So we’re broke.” He adds after a moment.   
  
“Aw man, I wanted to see If i could get Petra to buy me a 30 pair dollar of socks.”   
  
\---   
  
Ham and Petra step out of hot topic, Petra is distressed but she did find a very cute, VERY  gay scarf that she now has wrapped around her shoulders. It’s just a straight up gay pride flag. It’s great.   
  
“Ya know, I feel Noir would’ve walked in there and either liked it or hated it. No inbetween.” Ham takes a slurrp from his smoothie he had insisted was important, bags filled with useless trash Ham piled on the counter when Petra went to buy the scarf.   
  
She doesn’t even know how much she just spent in there. They start walking through the center of the mall and Petra starts walking fast as she hears the salvation army bells.   
  
Just as they pass, reminds Petra why she doesn’t wear pride paraphernalia of any kind.   
  
“Course the butch bitch and soyboy boytoy don’t stop for the lord.”   
  
Petra ignores it, especially because it seemed like it was one of the overzealous ones. But god help her, Ham engages.   
  
“Woah, now, we don’t have time to unpack all of that. Maybe throw out the suitcase in general here, but here’s a solid question. Why?”   
  
“Ham le-” Petra tries, turning around and grabbing his arm to pull. The squat man grins like he hasn’t started any shit in the last hour and sees an opertunity to do it now.   
  
“Gays wrong and you’re going to hell for it. Both of you.” is the simple answer. Petra thinks it was meant to piss off Ham, but it doesn’t or doesn’t look like it as he hums.   
  
“Man, here I thought good ol JC was all about kindness, giving and the fact we aren’t meant to judge each other. I didn’t know it was suddenly bashing people’s differences. Ain’t it a sin to judge others?” Is Ham’s calm counter, hand on his chin with one arm crossed over his chest, in a cartoony, thinking position.   
  
They were getting a crowed and people had phones out. Petra was feeling very sick now.   
  
“God says it’s an abomination and spits in the Lords face.” Was the reply of the bell ringer.   
  
“Here it is again though, you’re the one judging and I don’t think that’s allowed in christianity. If God changed his mind, how would you know? People don’t usually believe people crawling out of the desert to add to religious texts anymore.”   
  
The bell ringer is getting frazzled at the lack of conflict from Ham so directs his next comment at the increasingly uncomfortable and anxious Petra.   
  
“Maybe this bitch here isn’t even a ‘girl’ this your weird boyfriend asshole?”   
  
Ham huffs a bit and makes a point to stand in front of Petra. “What can’t counter logically so you target someone else? That’s shitty man.”   
  
The bellringer stands up and grabs the front of Ham’s shirt yanking him down to look eye to eye. “Whose gonna stop me stringbean?”   
  
“What the fuck have you two gotten into.” Noir parts through the building crowed with Peni next to him, the guy gripping Ham’s shirt looks over his shoulder to say.   
  
“Who the fuck are you?”   
  
Before Noir can answer, Ham saw this as a fantastic opertunity to say a very cool line.   
  
“That’s my husband!” He says with great gusto. It makes Peni laugh. The bellringer let’s go of Ham with a worried look.   
  
Noir narrows his eyes and plays along. “Yeah, got a problem with that buddy?”   
  
The man was conflicted, but wants to pretend to still be the tough guy that doesn’t care. “Yeah I do, but I think you weirdos should leave. Don’t forget to take your weird unwanted chinese daug-”   
  
Noir was lifting the guy up by the front of his shirt very far off the ground. “Listen here bub, how much of a crumb are ya to insult a kid huh? Fucking enjoy it sicko?”   
  
Petra makes a terrified sound in her throat this was going to shit, Peni gravitates to Petra to try and calm her. Her hands were balled into fists and she doesn’t know what to do.   
  
Ham suddenly clings to Noir’s other arm. “Cmon, you’ve made your point honey bunny. We should go.”   
  
\---   
  
As soon as they were in the car, Petra yanks the scarf off and drops it in the console. She grips the steering wheel. Peni snagged shotgun again and puts a worried hand on her shoulder. Noir was pissed off in the back seat, he wishes he could’ve beat the man senseless.   
  
Ham realizes this was all his fault, if he didn’t try to interact with the asshole, everything would be fine.   
  
“I’m sorry.” He says with a shrug, he thought he’d just have a funny little debate and make people laugh at the growing irrational bellringer. He thought it was fun, up till the guy did low blows at his friends.   
  
Noir shakes his head. “It’s fine Porker.”   
  
It doesn’t sound fine.   
  
Petra takes a deep breath and starts the car. “People are fucked up Ham, it’s fine. You were just speaking the truth.”   
  
Peni nods her head. The mood was blue the whole ride home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SOME ANGST MY DUDES!!! Next two chapters I think will have some more cute Noirham/Hamnoir stuff!!


	8. Feelings

Petra gave Peni her credit card so she could order whatever, then she locked herself in the bathroom.   
  
Noir had absconded to the roof, Ham had saw him out of the corner of his eye, going up the fire escape. Peni and Ham were in the photography studio, Peni on Petra’s laptop and Ham sitting in the swifle chair. Peni’s meka by her side.   
  
It was a tense quiet. Ham felt the need to apologize again so he did. “I’m sorry.” He’s never felt so… Putout? Upset, troubled? There was a lot of things he could call it. In his world he’d pick fights like that, but they always went in his favor. Especially most vocal arguments. He knew when to shout and when to be calm or so he thought.   
  
He elaborates more. “In my world, I usually win verbal disputes and the guy picked on Petra and I both and I just thought…” He’s not sure what he thought, so he does a vague hand jester.   
  
“Hey, Ham, it’s fine. You’re heart was in the right place.” Peni says, finding a chinese - Japanese fusion takeout place nearby. Also online ordering, sweet.   
  
“He was obviously an asshole with a firm set ideas. No matter how wrong and weird they were.”   
  
“Yeah, but god. He took shots at all of us, even you! That guy was a bad guy.” Ham sighs. “Peni, just god. I feel like I’ve never fucked up this bad and it messed up everyone.”   
  
Peni puts the computer down next to her to level a look at Ham. “People are idiots sometimes, people are cruel. Hell, that’s far from the worse thing someone has called me.” Though Peni tries to block those thoughts out.   
  
“Point is, we can’t all get upset over this. I’m more so worried about Petra, I think Noir wanted to just beat him up- hell kill him and be done with it. He’s upset he couldn’t I think, I’m frustrated by the lack of.” Now she does a vague jester. “Communication from Petra, she seems troubled more by this then us. It’s like she was cowering from something.”   
  
“Honestly, I think Noir has been pretty confused and upset by a lot of things, this may just be the cherry on top for him….. Should I go try and talk to him?”   
  
“I was going to suggest that, I wanna try to talk to Petra. It may go better if I do it alone.” Peni pulls the computer back on her lap. “After I order a ton of takeout. I’ll do it.”   
  
Ham chuckles and stands. “I’ll go talk to Noir now. Get me some eggrolls!” He opens the photography room window, letting a chill into the room and then climbs up the side of the building. Peni’s meka rolls over and closes the window before rolling back to Peni.   
  
\---   
  
Noir was squat on top of the A/C unit, the highest point on top of this building. He was looking broodingly out upon the city, trying to compose himself. He was still seething with rage at the bastard from the mall.   
  
How  _ dare _ he be an asshole to Peni and his friends. Where did that crumb think he came from?   
  
Noir growls.   
  
“Ya know, cats also find the highest points around to brood in too.” Ham says as he sits next to Noir on the A/C unit.   
  
Noir nearly jumps off the unit, he didn’t even hear the pig turned man come up.   
  
“How-”   
  
“I  _ have  _ been spider-ham for over 30 years. I can be quiet and sneaky when I want to be!” He says cheerily.   
  
Noir short circuits for a minute before asking slowly. “30 years? Fucking hell Porker how old are you?”   
  
Ham makes a rasberry with his mouth before answering.”45, also rude. Rude to ask.”   
  
“Jesus Ham, I thought I was the oldest guy here.”   
  
“How old are you huh?” Ham points an accusing finger in his face. Noir laughs, the cartoonish man always seems to lift his spirits…   
  
“36, you got me beat.”   
  
“Is there a prize there or no?” Ham inquires, it nearly seemed like a genuine question, but there was a twinkle in his eyes that Noir catches when he gives him a side look. Those eyes WERE very interesting.   
  
“The satisfaction of winning?”   
  
“Here I was hoping for a new car.”   
  
Noir chuckles and they lapse into companiable silence. The thrumming noise of the city filling the air. It was cold enough for Ham to see his breath.   
  
“I’m sorry.” Ham says finally, thinking that he has to communicate that before he gets sidetracked like he always does when he hangs out with Noir.   
  
Noir turns his head to look at him with an odd look. Ham specifies. “I…. Shouldn’t have agitated that guy at the mall. He was being a dick and in my world… I guess I just win in arguments like that most if not all the time?” He waves his hand in front of him. “Half of my heroing duties is patronizing villains to make them grow irrational.” He sighs and pulls a knee to his chest to hug close.   
  
“I guess it just doesn’t work here.” He said sadly.” I should learn to keep my pig mouth shout eh?”   
  
Noir looks at the now crestfallen  man, the backdrop of city lights coloring his dark hair in neon shines. The outline of his face shadowed any color looked gray scaled, like back home. It didn’t look right. Ham was the positive light, tall bouncy cartoon even in human form. His big blue peepers, his big grin that made he’s eyes half close. There were freckles, so many freckles too.    
  
He’s reminded of Aunt May, her communist talk to the poor that got him beat up a lot when he was still a kid, right before he became the spider man.   
  
There was a time, where he had gotten so beaten up, right before uncle ben died, where when she thought he couldn’t hear her. She weeped in Ben’s hold.   
  
_ “The world is so dark, I should’ve kept my fat mouth shut Benjamin.” _ _   
_ _   
_ Noir puts an arm around Ham’s shoulder slender shoulders, surprising even himself at the willing affectionate gesture. Then says along the same lines Uncle Ben said to Aunt May.   
  
“Never go silent when you could speakup. It would be a tragedy if you lose the passion and your morals.” Then Noir added on. “The guy was a crumb Porker, a nobody. Don’t let that kill your confidence. You…”   
  
Ham was looking at him with those big eyes suddenly and Noir looks away out to the city, realizing this wasn’t very ‘just friends’ close. But he’s already dug himself this far into this pep talk.   
  
“You’re a smart guy, you can talk the talk and walk the walk. Keep your chin up alright? Don’t change.”   
  
Noir sighs a bit and then adds. “I’m sorry I was such a hatchetman, just went straight into the attack, god knows what that crumb was sayin before I got there. I don’t fully understand what he meant or was gonna mean by the shit they were gonna say about Peni. But I saw red. I ain’t about any of that racial nonsense. People are people, racial shit is a… Don’t know what you’d call it. It just cooks my goose.”   
  
He thinks of his friend who lost himself and is only there in body. Robbie who will never feel joy or happiness. Laugh smile or cry. All because of a damn  _ nazi  _ bastard that decided that slavery should’ve never stopped.   
  
Noir didn’t notice he tightened his grip on Ham as he thought about it, he loosens it when Ham leans into his hold and rests his head on him. Welcoming the comfort and to help knock his buddy out of whatever reverie he was in.   
  
“It all kinda sucks doesn’t it? People ya know. My world people are kinda two dimensional in more ways than the normal.” Ham shrugs, or maybe that was a shiver. It was cold out and he was still wearing shorts.   
  
“Feel like I can’t read the situation suddenly.”   
  
Noir chuckles. “I know how that feels. As long as we’re here, let’s try to figure that part out huh?” He tries to be positive to cheer his friend up.   
  
“Thanks. I’m glad you’re here.”   
  
Noir feels his face warm and he looks away again to hide it. “Yeah, Porker. Glad you’re here too.”   
  
\---   
  
Petra’s quiet time was going amazingly till she heard the soft click of the door being unlocked.   
  
“Can’t even get privacy in my own tub now too huh?” Petra says bitterly, she was curled up in the bathtub, fully dressed and mopping.   
  
“I think you need to talk about it.” Peni says as she closes the toilet lid and sat on it.   
  
“I’m not going to vent to you Peni, you’re what? 14? You don’t need to hear my bullshit.”   
  
“I’m 15 and tough, because I’m not leaving till you feel better.” Peni tosses a chocolate bar into the tub. “Eat that, it’ll help release endorphins.”   
  
“Great, now you found my candy stash.” Petra still grabs it to munch on because, well it is kitkats. She’d never turn down one of those.   
  
It was a heavy silence as Petra chewed on the candy, Peni breaks it.   
  
“The shit back at the mall wasn’t your fault and there was nothing you could’ve done.”   
  
Petra pauses and feels her chest clench. “There’s plenty I-”   
  
“No, you think you could’ve, but there was no way. Right now I imagine you’re thinking about all the ways you could have dealt with the guy. They come out positive in your mind but the likelihood of us going back in time right at this minute to then. He was just a dick, we couldn’t have done anything to truly faze him.”   
  
“I’m sick of not being able to do things…” Petra is sat up, legs pulled close to her chest now.”In the past, I tried so much to be… A hero? I broke apart a sex trafficking ring, stopped the animal testing at Oscorp, proved that the last mayor of new york was stealing taxpayer money!” She waves a hand around.”I’ve stopped muggings! I don’t know what to do anymore now. I’m just a 27 year old reclusive loser chasing the high of being on the morally just side.”   
  
“You  __ have been a hero. You just listed them off. Just because some dick in a mall throws some slurs doesn’t diminish the good you’ve done or will do.” Pen stands up and then kneels by the tub. “You can’t think about the things you can’t change…”   
  
They stay there in silence when there’s a knocking at the front door. “Oh, I bought a bunch of take out on your card.” Peni says sheepishly.   
  
Petra laughs and stands up, drying her eyes on her hand. “Well, I could eat. Let’s go answer it. I still feel kinda shitty, but thanks for talking.”   
  
Peni smiles and stands up. “No problem, communication is important.”   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank y'all for all the kind comments, the really do make me so happy and motivate me!!


	9. Noir's thoughts

Noir had a lot to think about, he’d wish Petra would let him smoke. But apparently she forbids it and told him the scientific prove behind it. He wants to quit now. If cancer and early death lay before him. If he’s going out, it’s going to be in a fight or as an old man in his bed, surrounded by everyone he loves. He can dream about that.   
  
The take out was really good, lots of spices and variety, though. He personally doesn’t understand the whole ‘sushi’ thing. Raw fish? He does not like the sound of that.   
  
Petra was passed out in her makeshift bed, basically two large throw pillows a sheet and a blanket underneath the front window, it was nice of her to willingly give up both her beds. Eh… Or maybe that rock paper sicssor game between Ham and her wasn’t just for fun like he said.   
  
The room was dark and it makes the space feel like home, which is a mixed feeling in his gut. The monochrome look was growing increasingly unsettling to him.   
  
Ham moved in his sleep and here comes one of the things he needed to think about as the sleeping cartoon pig turned man curls up close to his side.   
  
Two weeks of sleeping in a bed with someone gives you stuff to think about. In the first few nights, Noir questioned how men and women can share a bed for the rest of their lives. Someone constantly moving and rustling the sheets or someone that stays completely still well you try to move?   
  
But… the longer they share it. The more Noir thinks he likes it. It… Was nice. Ham always ended up curled up with him and he knows as soon as he lets himself drift off… He’ll wake up with an arm around the other man.   
  
He’d ignored it till yesterday by this point, the rooftop.. But all of it, today made him really think. Petra’s philosphoy on sexuality had opened his eyes to more possibilities, even if he thought he wouldn’t explore it.   
  
_ Wouldn’t explore it? You’ve been sharin a bed with an attractive guy you may have already had some level of feelin for ya worthless crumb. Even as a lil cartoon fella he had caught your interest. He made ya laugh and the world didn’t seem so dark. _ _   
_ _   
_ Noir huffs as his face grows hot at his thoughts.   
  
_ ‘“That’s my husband!” Ham said with great gusto. A wide grin on his face.’ _ _   
_ _   
_ God, how is he just rolling with the whole fake married thing? But… The way he said it back there made his heart clench, butterflies in his stomach like some kinda school girl.   
  
_ ‘“Well, I mean. How do you know till you take a chance? If you haven’t experienced it, it’s always a possibility! Definitely been guys I’ve thought about!” Ham admits cheerily.’ _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Noir wonders what kinda guys Ham had thought about, I guess other pigs in his universe? He’s said that there were all kinds of other species there. Apparently his Mary Jane was Mary Crane. So maybe a bird? _ _   
_ _   
_ He shakes his head, why should he think about this? It’s not like Ham likes him, Their just running with this married thing to get the job done and bring criminals to justice! Nothing to do with Ham liking him.   
  
Maybe he didn’t even fully like his human body too, Noir tries to list things off that isn’t Ham’s gender that he wouldn’t like in a partner.   
  
……..   
  
_ Shit. He meets the criteria to a T. _   
  
Ham using not just his cartoon physics but general fighting skills to take down Scorpion damn near single handedly. Combat skills. That was a high one on the list.   
  
He’d liked taller girls even before he suddenly grew two feet overnight after being bit. Ham and Him are eye to eye. Makes Noir thinks it’s important to meet eye to eye as much as possible… Fat shit coming from a guy that damn near wears a mask 24/7. But these are his dream situations.   
  
When he had first stood up when he was leaving the portal, his full height in a suit, long legs and big startlingly pretty eyes. It did take Noir’s breath away.   
  
And maybe Noir was comparing the crayon box so closely so he could get a good look at Ham’s face too. It did flush a light color when he was that close.   
  
He shouldn’t do anything, it could ruin it all. Nothing could work. But… Then Petra’s words come to mind.   
  
_ ‘“When you finally make the leap, take a chance. Let all the weight leave your body. You realize, you had no idea you were denying yourself something beautiful for so long. Like a man whose been in the desert too long, having water for the first time. It’s as if, the best way to explain it is a religious experience.” She spoke with a longing in her tone, eyes sad in the back up mirror.’ _ _   
_ __   
Maybe Noir should find a way too…. Make that leap, he could question himself for the rest of his life if he doesn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Noir has some things to think about. Mainly about our friendly neighborhood, spider turned pig spider ham turned Spiderman!


	10. Trending on youtube

Eddie finally shoots the email off to Petra after he’s settled into the motel in buttfuck nowhere Canada.   
  
_ “Here, safe. Thanks for the cash. We’ll keep you updated.” _ _   
_ _   
_ Joy pulses through him from Venom from the usage of ‘we.’   
  
Eddie draws the curtains as the light fades. “If you wanna chill around my neck that’s cool.” Venom does, coiling comfortably around his neck, slightly tucking himself under the sweatshirt he’s wearing.   
  
“What’s the plan Eddie?” It was returical but Venom asks because Eddie can convay better through speech then their mental link, but he is getting better.   
  
“Well, it’s almost dark. We can’t I’m not rolling up to a cabin at the midnight. Thats how people get shot. So we’re staying here, eating food and have a selfcare day.”   
  
They had stopped at a quick mart before checking in, they stocked up on all the essentials. Massive amounts of chocolate for Venom and a bunch of other stuff for Brock.   
  
“Do you really think this Wade Wilson will want to face and testify against the people caused him harm?”   
  
Eddie sorts through the bag on the tiny scratched up table, the yellow glow from the lamp at the bedside making Eddie cast a long shadow on the wall. “We can only hope V. Even if he doesn’t we can probably still convict Osborn with the evidence Petra digs up.” He tosses an unwrapped hershy bar in the air and like a frog Venom’s tongue shoots out, he wraps it round and brings it into his mouth. Eddie grins as he feels his other half’s satisfaction.   
  
Which, as Eddie brings the bag over to the gross 70s polyester top blanket on the bed to sit on. “Since we have time, we should talk about us properly V.”   
  
He feels Venom stutter, a shock and then nervous, like something heavy dropped in his gut. Then nothing, V caught himself off from the mental link. He doesn’t sink into him like he does before when he brings this up, so that’s a start.   
  
“... There isn’t anything to say Eddie.”   
  
“Thair is a lot to say.” He affirms, this has to be talked about. He feels Venom sink into his skin and he scowls a bit as his partner tries to escape.   
  
“Aw, cmon. Please? God, I can’t believe I’m being the one that is so serious about talking.” Eddie takes the gross polyester blanket off and sits down, V has disappeared completely and Eddie can’t connect his mind link to the slithering symbiote.   
  
“Not now Eddie…. I don’t want to talk about us today.” Then venom is gone, like he isn’t even there and it frustrates the reporter to no end.   
  
\----   
  
Petra wakes before everyone else, but stays in bed for at least an hour, it was six and it was her quiet time. She pulls out her phone and starts answering her emails.   
  
Surprised to see two from Eddie.   
  
First one was simple enough, he’s there and safe. Second one was a bit more personal.   
  
_ God Petra, listen. I know it’s weird but I love Venom and I KNOW he knows this but he won’t fucking talk to me about it. I feel like such a prick bringing it up and he knows I want to talk about it. Help?? _ _   
_ _   
_ “What the fuck?” Petra grumbles before typing out a reply.   
  
_ Listen man, out of the two of us. You have had more successful gfs and bfs. I don’t know what you want me to say? Like, if he knows but doesn’t want to listen to you. Idk you got to pin him down and make him talk to you I guess? Listen, uhhh… I may have been more on Venom’s side. Every time Gene wanted to talk about ‘US’ I’d just like, bolt off. Or make an excuse, hell. I had a fake call app I made downloaded on my phone at the time to click so I had an excuse to walk away. He basically cornered me and forced us to talk our shit over.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Just be persistent and let him know you won’t let it be. If you actually love him, then yeah. It should work. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ P.S: Fuck off with making Horatio your best man this time, I better be the best fucking man. I swear brock, I was pissed when that was announced. Damn huge fuck you to my face. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ P.S.S I care about you man, i’m a gremlin but if shit hits the fan with your goofriend let me know and we’ll figure stuff out. <3 _ _   
_ __   
Petra sends the email out and then answers a few business emails. The Bugle wants her to take pictures of the Osborn party, easy money at that point. She’ll bring her camera and snaps some stuff at the carpet before going in. She agrees professionally.   
  
She denies some other stuff, talks with her old science teacher Professor Octavius briefly about some interesting findings he had. Nothing extremely amazing, but interesting.   
  
Though, after learning about the multiverse and how often he has been a bad man. She is more wary of him.   
  
She wonders if there was a turning point where her old Professor will become a Doc Ock type villain. Not exactly obviously, there aren’t villains like that. There aren’t even heroes.   
  
Petra dwells on that, curious why out of all the universes with cool shit in them, she ended up in one like hers. I mean, sure Eddie Brock has a kick ass alien he’s inlove with. But, aliens okay. That is cool.   
  
But why isn’t there a Captain America around punching nazis? Why is Tony Stark just another big business dude. Like, why is this universe so dull?   
  
Petra sighs and decides to hop onto youtube for a few quiet videos to relax. She scrolls down to her recommended an freezes.

 

_ Racist and homophobic bellringer gets shocked! _ _   
_ __   
“Oh shit.”    
  
Petra presses it and sure enough, it’s nearly the whole thing of what happened at the mall. Down to when Ham was pulling A glaring Noir away from the scene as Peni leads her away after them.   
  
She looks at the views and pushes her face into the pillow to groan. “3 million views, oh god.”   
  
3 million people saw her do nothing to stop him when he snapped at her or when the bellringer grabs Ham.   
  
She stands up, stumbling slightly as she goes to the kitchen. She needs coffee, this shit is horrible. She starts rummaging through the cabinets to get everything.   
  
Ham wakes up before Noir from the noise, he usually wakes up first. Though usually he likes to stay in bed for awhile longer. Especially the days Noir’s arm was on him.   
  
But today it wasn’t and honestly? Ham feels like something isn’t okay with the hurried movements from the small gally kitchen. So he carefully inches away from Noir and off the side of the bed.   
  
He got changed into one of the shirts he bought himself at hot topic, along with a pair of boxers with pixel hearts, like that Zelda game.   
  
Ham watches Petra’s shakey movements as she puts the kettle on the stove and gets her coffee press clean from yesterday. There was a panicked look on her face and Ham wonders as her quickening breaths if this was a panic attack

  
She was starting to sweat and boy the apartment was cold this morning and her breath seems to be quickened and stuttery, She doesn’t even notice that Ham’s up and watching.   
  
Ham goes around and gentle puts a hand on her shoulder and she turns around face red and wide eyes that look like their going to burst into tears and man. Ham just opens his arms for a hug, when ever he got super upset that’s what his adopted Aunt would do for him. Open her arms wide in a jaster of comfort that he could take or leave.   
  
It feels like an hour before Petra hugs him around his middle and starts crying and babbling quietly. He can make out ‘sorry’ a few times as she sniffles.   
  
He makes them sit on the floor, continuing to hog her and rub her back like his Aunt May would do.   
  
“Hey, hey. It’s alright. Whatever it is it’s alright. Just breath okay? Follow me.” Ham does a near comical intake of breath, held it and released slowly and urges Petra to follow, interrupting her mutterings.   
  
Slowly but surely she calms down. After a bit of her breath evening out. Ham asks. “What happened?”   
  
Petra just pulls her phone out of her pocket and plays the video for Ham keeping her hot puffy face on his chest. She hasn’t had someone help her through an anxiety attack since  Aunt May passed.   
  
Ham watches the video through and tilts his head. He feels bad, his poor choice made the newest part of the spider fam- even if she wasn’t a spider. This upset.   
  
Before he can speak, Petra does. “3 million people know I’m a coward and I can’t stand up for myself…. That I got lead away quietly because I’m ashamed of myself.” She starts hyperventilating again.   
  
Ham hushes her and rubs at her back. “It’s okay. No one thinks that. See.” He scroll down to the top comments.   
  
“Ugh, why are the bellringers always racist and homophobic pieces of shit?”   
  
“Man, poor kid and the guys friend in the scarf seems shaken. Glad she has that family to help her out. Also L M A O, when the skinny guy goes ‘That’s my husband!’ That’s a meme right there.”   
  
“Man, when tall dark and handsome parted the people with their cute daughter, I was like WOAH and when he picked the guy up with one hand? DAMN, get you a man like that.” Petra actually snickers when Ham read that one. He cracks a smile.   
  
“See?” Ham pats her back. “It’s all alright.”   
  
If he was still a pig, a question mark would’ve popped up with a noise as Noir sits down with them, holding a cup of coffee.   
  
“It’s nothing any of use can go to prison over, then we’re good. Here, I noticed you like a lot of sugar and cream.” Noir holds the cup shaped like a fish to Petra   
  
She sighs exhausted and pushes away from Ham to sit across from the two to take the offered cup.   
  
“Did I wake you both up?” She asks softly taking a drink of the coffee, it was perfect.   
  
“Yeah, but you usually wake me up around now. It’s no big deal.” Noir waves it off. He curls his knee up and rests his arm on it. “How ya feeling kid?”   
  
“Better… I just, feel so helpless. Like I can’t do anything right.” Petra sighs and leans her head back on the small dishwasher she’s up against. “I know I wouldn’t have said anything that would’ve been a good counter to that guys crazy, but I just have all this rage and anger. I can’t speak my emotional stances outright, I just want to bite, kick and scream.”   
  
The three are quiet. Peni and Noir were lucky Ham thought to buy stuff for them at hot topic. Because they didn’t have to sleep in their still not washed clothes or ill fitting clothes that Petra provided them.   
  
Though the usually serious looking Noir in matching pixel heart boxers and a pink shirt that said ‘badman’ on with messed up hair was really funny looking to Petra, even Ham in the black Roadhog overwatch hoodie, hair also messed up. Red letters with “Hog Power” on it was ridicoulous.   
  
“What are you three doing on the floor??” Peni questions, her spider on her shoulder in a very oversized shirt.   
  
“You’ll understand when you hit your 20s and have your first melt down.” Petra says with a straight face.   
  
“Oh joy.” Peni says sarcastically.   



	11. Fight fight fight!! (kiss kiss kiss)

Tomorrow was the big day, after the rough start to the morning. Everyone was settling down. They ate leftovers and relaxed, every so often Petra would bring up a detail of the plan and they would discuss it.   
  
“So the closet is on the same level as the ballroom, the office common bathrooms are also in the same directions, if it’s locked let Peni know. Did you finish that thing?” Petra asks nervously.   
  
Peni hums and nods. She and Noir went to the conveniant store and got a bunch of snacks at some point. At this point. Petra fears looking into her bank account. At least she always pays her rent for the next two months.   
  
She pulls out a small bundle of wires that could easily fit in a small pocket. Peni swallows her chips before speaking. “Basically, no matter the type of security it is, you just gotta slap this onto it and it’ll sync up. It should be a breeze.”   
  
Noir pays attention, but Ham started a new game on her old DS light of harvest moon and was clearly ignoring them. Peni is at least pretending as she side glances the game.   
  
“Good good, well you get the files- Do you remember the name?” She points at Noir, she’s nervous as shit and it’s clear to see.   
  
“Project Fusion, get as much as possible. Especially anything in connection with deaths.” Petra nods at Noir’s words.   
  
They all lapse into silence, Petra on her third cup of coffee. Noir stands up walks over to the counter to lean on it across from Petra.   
  
Peni now has her full attention on the handheld game, Leaning on Ham’s shoulder, he moves the screen so she can see.   
  
“Kid, you go on the roof often?”   
  
“Uh?” Petra raises her eyebrows. “Not allowed to but sometimes…. Why?”    
  
Noir waves a hand towards the window with the fire escape and walks towards it. He opens the windows and disappears like a phantom up to the rough.   
  
Ham and Peni look up briefly but then back to their game. Petra was confused but follows up the fire escape.   
  
Once on the top one, Noir gives her a hand to pull her up with. “So, why are we up here?”   
  
Noir walks towards the middle of the roof being quiet till he stops and turns. “Well, you said you felt like biting, kicking and screaming. Though, I would suggest just doing some kicking and throwing punches.”   
  
Petra catches on and walks forward with her hand going through her short hair. She was barefoot, so was Noir. “Man… I mean yeah, I want to. But isn’t it not right to outwardly be so aggressive?”   
  
Noir shrugs. “Is there any problems with boxing?” He reaches a hand to pat her shoulder. “Listen, it couldn’t have changed too much from my time. Humans need to fight sometimes. It’s just how it is. It doesn’t have to be over anything. Sometimes you just need to know you can if you had too.”   
  
Petra nods her head, it makes sense. But she’s still not sure. Noir backs up two steps and holds out his hands. “How bout this. Punch my hands, as hard as you can.”   
  
She throughs a half assed punch and Noir raises an eyebrow. “If you have any worry about me, don’t. I’ve been through some stuff kid.”   
  
“Man, why do you keep calling me kid?” Petra throws a harder punch and Noir shrugs with a small smile.   
  
“You’re younger than me. Simple as that.” Noir also grabs the next punch startling Petra. “Also your fist isn’t right, you’ll break your thumb like that. You have to have your thumb just under your knuckles. Good, now tighten your hand and tuck your fingers all the way under Good.” He releases her hand and Petra looked frustrated, which is good in this situation.   
  
Noir opens his palms. “Now punch with your fist like that and give me your all.”   
  
Petra huffs and punches as hard as she can. Noir grins. “Much better, some strength in ya yet kid.”   
  
Before Petra can thank him sheepishly, he adds. “But, you can get more power if you stand like this.” He squares up, one fist closer to his chest and the other more out in front of him. One leg slightly behind. “If you were in a fight, there are three benefits of this position. Defense because your arms are so close to you, you can quickly bring them up to block a hit.” He demenstrates by raising his arms up to block an imaginary hit a few times. Petra nods.   
  
“Second is you can pack more power into your hits because you have better control. It’s also good for speed once you have the muscle memory.” Noir then demonstrates punching an imaginary foe with strong hits at first. Then doing very quick punches, that looked like they wouldn’t hurt if it hit someone once, But in the rapid flurry of punches. It would probably confuse and fuck someone up.   
  
“Then the last benefit is the leg slightly behind you. It’s a boxing technique that’s good to help you dodge or move forward quickly. Though they hop around a bit more like this.” Noir dodges and moves around to show the boxing style. “But in a real fight on the streets. You use it less like that. It’s better to stand your ground and move like this.” He dodges the imaginary foe by bouncing back on his back leg then uses it to pivot to another ‘threat’ and then lunges forward as if to uppercut someone. “You stay in a tight circle and you keep control of multiple enemies by throwing them off balance, hitting them with a hard wallop and you keep pivoting and stay close to yourself.”   
  
Both get surprised by sudden clapping, Peni and Ham must have gotten bored with the game and headed up to the roof. Noir’s face flushes a bit that he had an audience.   
  
Then an idea strikes him. “Hey, Ham. You know how to fight right? Wanna spar and show some fighting techniques- You took down Scorpion pretty easily.” Ham pulls himself up onto the roof.   
  
“Hell yeah!” He says excitedly, Petra laughs.   
  
“Peni wanna take bets?”   
  
“20 starbursts on Ham.” Peni pulls herself up onto the roof and then goes to sit on the AC unit, Petra follows. “Three kitkats on Noir.”   
  
“Only three? That doesn;’t equate to 20 starbursts!” Peni accuses with a finger pointed in Petra’s face, great. She’s picking up some of Ham’s mannerisms.   
  
“Fine fine, three kitkats and two packs of 3 peanut butter cups.”   
  
“You ladies know it’s illegal to gamble in the state of New York.” Noir jokes as he moves back into a fighting position.   
  
Ham points at them.” Yeah!” But then stage whispers loudly to Petra. “I’ll throw but I want six starbursts, a kitkat and a peanut butter cup.”   
  
“Hey!” Peni points at him now. “No throwing!”   
  
“Throwing? Whose throwing?” Ham puts his hands to his face in mock shock. Noir snorts. “Cmon Porker.”   
  
Ham turns to probably face Noir.   
  
“Peni, countdown from three.” The detective calls out.   
  
“1!”   
  
Noir knows what’s up, even though Ham was relaxed right now.   
  
“2!”   
  
Maybe he should wait for Ham to do the first move so he can have the upperhand and grab it. But, he could also hesitate. He should to the first hit.   
  
“3!”   
  
Noir sends out the first punch, Ham suddenly as graceful as a cat, dodges sideways to his right and grabs his elbow, he pulls him forward more, knocking him off balance.   
  
But this far from Noir’s first rodeo, he forces his tripped up leg under him in a crouch, using his other arm to pull Ham forward by his shirt and over his head and onto his back with a loud ‘Ooof’   
  
But Ham’s on his feet the same time Noir’s up. He was springy and bounce with his movements.   
  
Noir tries to surprise him by going down and sweeping his feet, but he jumps over like a kid over a line of rope, then surprises Noir with a punch to the jaw. It wasn’t as hard as it could’ve been and Noir thinks Ham did it gentle on purpose.   
  
“Trying not to hurt me Porker?” Noir grins as he gets back into his fighting stance. Ham shrugs arms going up and leaving him defenseless but Noir isn’t going for the bait.   
  
“It’s a friendly fight! Not here to hurt you.” He says simply, but there’s a sly look in his eyes that well. It may have made Noir’s heart flutter a bit.   
  
It’s a stance still for a second, Noir also realizes that Ham only attacks after defending. Or so he thought, when he moved slightly back. The other Spider man came at him with another punch.   
  
Noir grabs Ham’s arm and tries to toss him over again, but the other sturdies himself and somehow gets enough grip and momentum to toss Noir up and over.   
  
He’s dazed for a minute, and then ‘ooofs’ when Ham pins him. Long legs straddling him and Ham pinning his arms by his head. His goofy grin.   
  
God, Noir thinks he loves this goof. His face feels hot when Ham perclaims proudly.   
  
“I win!”   
  
Peni cheers. “WOOOOHOO, I WIN THE BET!”   
  
Petra crosses her arms and rolls her eyes. “Gambling is illegal in New york.” Peni gives the other woman a look that could kill. She throws up her hands. “Fine, fine. You win.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHH ALL OF YA'LLS COMMENTS KEEP ME ALIVEEEEE!! also goddamn, thank y'all for the kudos!! I'm nearing 200 and it makes me wanna cry ;0;
> 
> Comments really do keep me goin. I love it, even if ya think it's ridiculous it would mean a lot to comment anything <3


	12. SpiderDads

Petra was the first to get back into the apartment and she right away felt off. First and formost the door to the science room was open. She always keeps it closed. Second the files that Eddie had dropped off were gone from the kitchen counter.   
  
Before she can panic blindly a familiar voice speaks up. “Been busy huh Pete?” She turns to see Gene Stacy sat on a chair in the corner of the room she wouldn’t be able to spot him in from where she came from.   
  
The fusion files in his hand and the notebook for her multiverse machine in his lap.   
  
“Moderately…” Petra says slowly, with a sheepish smile. Gene raises an eyebrow. His other goes up as three people look in.   
  
“Extremely.” Gene stands up, taking the files with him as he walks over to the kitchen counter, putting them down. “I want in.”   
  
“Gene, you can’t be serious-”    
  
“Deadly, listen Pete, you should have honestly come to me first before taking people out of their own universes.” He taps the notebook.   
  
“She gave us an option!” Ham says as he walks in, using Petra’s head as an elbow rest. “We wanted to help!”   
  
“Sureeee.” Gene says slowly. Petra knocks Ham’s arm off her head.   
  
“Man, seriously. Why would i call you? You just started your new job, the Osborn family hate your family’s guts- Like.” Petra makes a frustrated noise and motions between the four of them,   
  
“You didn’t want to bother me or you wanted to avoid me?” Gene narrows his eyes.   
  
Ham claps his hands, “How about we go back up to the roof my out of universe pals!” He stage whispers to the two. “Because this is AWKWARD!”    
  
He starts pushing Noir and Peni out of the window and the three of them escape up the fire escape.   
  
“Unlike them you can’t run from this conversation.” Gene says flatly.  Petra gives her friend a look and he sighs sitting down on the futon.   
  
“Listen, I consider you my best friend. You can’t just stay cooped up and not branching out. I originally came here because I saw the video online.” He gives her a worried look. “I wanted to see if you were okay. And to see all the shit you’ve done without me? Without talking or something? It made me sad.”   
  
“I didn’t want to drag you into my bullshit.” Petra sits down next to him. “Honestly, you are my best friend. Life’s been hard and I didn’t want to ruin your good life with my shit stain of a life.”   
  
\----   
  
“Adulthood seems to be more and more wonderful.” Peni now had the DS and was playing the game well leaning on Ham.   
  
“Adulthood is hard, trust me though kid. This stuff and the future in general is much more kind.” Noir says sitting next to Peni on the AC unit. She clacks the game closed and hums.   
  
“Great depression right? My future is super hitech but… Hmm. There was a movie from my grandfather- he was a collector of film and stuff. He had a movie called Blade Runner. A lot of ads right in your face, the lights covering up the flaws of society. TruthTM and the actual truth.” Peni shrugs. “Then there are the cyber terrorists that if firewalls stop improving could be the end of a country. Happened to Switzerland in my time. One made destroyed an entire government with a few clicks of a button.” Peni stretches out much like a cat to stare up at the sky.   
  
Noir and Ham give each other a worried look. Peni continues.   
  
“Also, classism still exist, hidden behind a sheer curtain. Hell, crime can only briefly bump someone from the lowest position to middle class. But they all get caught eventually. The ones that don’t run the system. The only thing the wealthy haven’t gotten their fingers in, is Shield. But who knows at this point?” Peni shrugs again. “I think no matter what, the problems will always be there, existing slightly differently. Evolving along with humans to be one step above.”   
  
Peni throws her hands up and says in a near cheerful manner. “Life is meaningless!”   
  
Noir hears alarm bells ringing and one look at Ham’s very concerned face is means it’s doing the same to him.   
  
Ham acts on the physical pulling Peni up and into a hug. “Ehh?” She says confused. Noir speaks.   
  
“Kid, are you alright? It isn’t like you to be so…”   
  
“Dark.” Ham supplies the word Noir couldn’t place. He nods.    
  
“It’s no big deal, just a joke-” Peni wasn’t moving away from the hug, seeming more so to sink into in. Her voice soft.   
  
“I maybe a spider turned pig and now turned human, but lemme tell you I know when someone isn’t joking. It’s what I know best.” Ham rubs her back and Noir has to say, the way Ham’s face has shifted to be more serious but with a softness. A worried look he can’t place, it’s a new side of the other that he quite likes.   
  
“Yeah, listen. You know we’re here for you right?” Noir puts a hand on Ham’s shoulder and then pats her head.   
  
They stay like that, Peni’s eyes slowly starting to water. Before either can ask what’s wrong again, the young teen says softly. “My Aunt May and Uncle Ben died.”   
  
There was a short lived shock going through the two before Ham tightened his hold slightly, Noir tilting his head down in respect as Ham speaks.   
  
“Peni, I’m so sorry…”   
Peni sniffles a bit, and much like the instant connection they had with their spider senses residenating with each other, they knew that they had to do something. Ham was thinking of good ways to distract her for now, make her have fun.   
  
Noir wanted to kill the people that made this bright, smart child cry.   
  
  


Peni has lost so much, her mom, her dad and now not only her uncle, but aunt May too? That isn’t fair, Noir had Aunt May much into his adulthood before she finally passed. She was a rock, who knows who he would have been without her moral compass helping him in a dark world full of torment and evil.   
  
_ I’m going to make sure this kid is looked after, somehow. Someway. I’ll somehow pull it off myself.  _ Swears to himself in silence _   
_ _   
_ __ Welp. Guess I’m a human father now.  Is Ham’s thought as he offers to go sneak and ‘Borrow’ Petra’s credit card so they can all go out for ice cream.   
  
Poor comedic exacution in Ham’s opinion but not only Peni cracked a small smile with swollen eyes, but even Noir had a fond face. His sharp features eased to make him look much younger and wow, Ham should stop staring so he can go get that card.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we see the gay spiders both subconsciously and at the same time, adopt a child. Beautiful and rare within nature.


	13. Hammy worries

Petra had caught Ham in the act and agreed that was a good idea, Gene was gone when he was there and she had seemed tired, emotionally. Ham hopes they came to some kind of agreement.   
  
The three got properly dressed and left to go find this bakery that Petra swears by, the place had ice cream too. She had also made a list of things she wanted from there.   
  
Ham had snagged a comfy looking Nasa sweatshirt that he is LOVING and will attempt to steal. Peni was in an oversized red knit sweater that she had dug out from a box in the closet. Smart kid grabbed a belt and made it into a cute little dress. The sleeves rolled up and pinned with those little file clamps on the inside. Petra looked briefly sad when Peni found that sweater but didn’t elaborate as she grabbed extra pillows to make some kind of comfort dome on the floor.   
  
In the same box was some more clothing items, it was a mishmash of men’s clothes. Ham’s no dummy, it must have been Petra’s Uncle Ben’s clothes. They had been packed with care and personally Ham felt like he was intruding on the past, but. It was useful and Petra didn’t complain, he thinks Noir’s relieved to have something more familiar to wear.   
  
The slacks seemed loose and the shirt a bit tight, Ham’s not complaining about the second part- Oh bad brain!   
  
His trench coat and hat pulled it all together. He seemed happy to have his familiar objects.   
  
Ham has noticed ticks, the fact he’s always reaching for his head in certain situations, probably to ajust his hat. Usually when he’s nervous. He doesn’t know what to do with his hands when it just reaches his head.   
  
Peni was the one with the directions written down and was navigating for them. New York was bustling similarly to their own New York. Constant low chatter, construction going on.   
  
Crime too, somewhere. There’s always something. Ham hms, he wants to swing around and do spiderham stuff, he’s slowly going stir crazy waiting for this plan. He’d love to swing about and fight off the villain of the week.   
  
Though, the problem was that there ISN’T a villain every week here. He’d had the news on and was watching the constant reports, yeah bad guys. But No sudden grand displays or anything.   
  
It was scary, in away. It was always easy to pinpoint a bad guy in his world, hell they WANTED to be known. But here… it seemed like.   
  
Ham makes a frustrated noise drawing Peni and Noir’s attention.   
  
  
“What’s up?” Peni asks first, looking over her shoulder at him. He shrugs. Smiling widely. “Its nothing! Don’t worry about it.”   
  
Noir raises an eyebrow. “Honestly? I’m curious whenever anyone says that now.” Peni laughs.   
  
“Cmon, spill!”   
  
Ham shrugs a bit, not more sheepish at the attention. “It’s just… This place really doesn’t have villains that we’re use to? Big baddies that wanna be known or flaunt their stuff. It’s unsettling to me.”   
  
His fellow spiders face drop as they think.   
  
“I… Have this tiny winey fear that’s in the back of my head. That if the villains exist here…. Their doing it silently or their targets are different… Or more horrifyingly, they’re more compatent then they are in any other universe. It makes my spider sense crawl.”   
  
“I’m sure it’s fine Ham..” Noir says after a few minutes of silent walking as Peni and the detective thought on his words. Noir didn’t sound like he believed himself. That worried Ham even more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this is so short, I've hit some big writers block. I'll try to pump out a decent chapter next!!! Comments sustain me <3 thank y'all for them.


	14. Chapter 14

I'm sad to say that this is going officially on hiatus. Hopefully I will pick it up once life is a bit less hectic. Thank you to everyone that commented such nice things, I'm sorry that I have to put this aside.


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